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Saturday, October 31, 2009 @ 20:14
arts camp overall was fun and exciting and not to forget a real experience for me being the team leader.it felt so pressurized trying to bring out the best for our group.although a discipline could be an issue,the wayang kulit play we had was a simple one.we had to make our own puppet and we decided to make story about ourselves.it had lots of humour but i think the teachers just said that it was great too to make us feel good.this yr,we slept at the school hostel.damn its like very nice damn nice.way much better than my room back home! haha.how i wish i could stay there with my friends not feeling that stressed up and getting to wake up just in time for school.hee.not to forget,i brought my bantal busuk along cos i know im gonna miss my lil bro.heh!i slept early at midnight while the rest slept at 2am,heh.i was quickly getting the play puppets ready so that to get things done quick.thanks to lee for helping me alot.ouh yar,for once im in the same group as lee.hahah!! he could see how bad i am in managing team and being a leader.i admit im not that creative to think of great ideas like the other groups.heh.i love the hostel really!! so am looking forward for the next survivor challenge,heard there will be water rafting.gosh soo guiding!!im gonna make full use of my knowledge on that day,hope so. i think i need to buy new shades for the genting trip but need to confirm with mal ferst.
Friday, October 30, 2009 @ 11:15
sorry for the lack of updates.okeys,theres plenty to be updated about,i guess hah.okays thanks to my beloveds bestfrens for having a mass celebration for the october babies,me kamal and hadi.gosh i was so happy on that day.after training as usual sat at cafe1.while waiting for i dont know who,kamal and arsyad came.i was so happy to see kamal but at the same time wondering why he came.then i came out with a cheer for khai , 1 kali khai,2 kali khai, 3 kali khai, KHAI KHAI KHAI!!!.haha..lol..kamal bought for me a pink nail polish from the face shop which i bet is very expensive.thanks lots aite mal.then while i was busy singing,everyone was like singing the birthday song,i was so lost and blur and asking who's birthday it was.cikgu was like pulling me up and sat in front of the cake.gosh ,my fav cake,dark choc truffle from royals.hehe.took fun pics together,then lee came and closed my eyes.i was shocked to see rai handing me a plastic bag written,CODE RED.and at that oint of time there was only 1 thing that came up to my mind,my HEELS!! and yes it was true!! hah,i was like shouting and quickly tried them on.i was walking around testing them.hah,i was damn excited i can say.very!! then after much eating of cakes and photos,as usual us tarian made our way to simpang.i would like to thanks arsyad for letting me have a ride on his vespe although it was a very short trip. jakuns yana!! seriously,i can never forget this celebration and remembering it back just makes me smile!! Thanks guys,i love you lots!! next,im excited to say im going genting for the ferst time during the dec hols.i soo need to find a winter coat from atik,vintage bag from kamal,any mp4 for me to borrow for the trip. im so waiting for the Quest with atik,lee and sim.and not to forget,survivor challenge.gosh excited~! i shall get going for arts camp,see you soon. Labels: life isnt that bad
Tuesday, October 27, 2009 @ 14:15
Sunday, October 25, 2009 @ 22:20
Happy Birthday to me!. a simple celebration of going for macs breakfast,taking a walk2 at far east with beloved family.bought for myself a black lace jacket.despite not getting my oxfords heels.was kind of sad.got a midnight birthday wish from atik.sweet of her.nice wish and comments from khai.and got to contact mal again after a few days.gosh missed him. yes at last im legal 18 and can watch M18 movies and do all that i want. p.s sometimes i do appreciate myself.
Friday, October 23, 2009 @ 17:58
im thinking of making my body well shaped somehow.
@ 17:35
ferst few days of the weeks are spent with my bestfriends in sch,going for training.those days were just so full filled with.but on thurs and fri seems to be a boring day in sch,not knowing what to do during my unused times.how i wish i have something to do during my free time.today was a very short day in sch,only 2 hrs.after sch,went to expo to take a look at the wedding event cos ive been wanting to go with iffa and khai's classmates.me n iffa were like excited to look at the pelamin and photography.there was someone who approached me for a makeover but must pay $180. then heard her saying about making a personal portfolio for $388.that sets me thinking wanting me to make my own and save for it.im soo making one in the future.i really wanna be a model. ouh yes,speaking about free time,it seems that every thurs and fri after sch i have nothing to do especially friday.i have been thinking on what to do. going for gym but no one's going to accompany me,skating but dont have my own deck.haiz.im still thinking how to.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009 @ 21:08
days by days,life have been really getting in my nerves.life have been very stressful for me.i just hate it everything in my life right now.all those probs in my head are just building like mountains without me trying to stop it or something.cos of my stupid self not listening to my stupid heart.i cant even decide on anything for myself right now.i cant even listen to my stupid heart when everyone keeps asking me to cos i dont even know how to.i feel left out,i feel useless,i feel unwanted. it seems like people are giving up on me.people are maybe just sick of helping me,giving me advices till leaving me alone right here.people around me are just leaving me alone.they just want me to make the decision myself i guess.but i cant,i hate all this.i hate thinking about anything cos it fucking hurts.why does people around me seems to pay attention to that someone more and everything is just about that someone.is it cos shes friendly,nice pretty,interacts with everyone.so me just being noisy and annoying,is meant to be ignores like that hah.wherever i go,its all about that someone.there was never a chance of people ever asking bout me or talking to me ferst.why.i hate it.i cant take it no more.all im feeling is hatred. and i keep feeling this jealousy.why!!im supposed to be done over with you.but why am i stupid enough to feel jealous seeing you happy wif another gerl today who is just more beautiful than me.and im taking it as a threat somehow.why is it cos she looks like me.shes pretty,loves to laugh and called ur adik somehow.i just hate this stupid feeling.im just hurting myself doing all this.when i ask for people advise,im stupid to feel hurt and upset about what they say and in the end,giving up,not even wanting to try.im fuckingly stressed up.i guess thats my reasons for all my sufferings.but before i have sufferred alot,but why right now im sufferring it again.why not the other party.i feel pathetic.i guess im hurting you lots.but im confused and i hate it!.i hate myself!maybe i deserve all this right.i guess im leaving everyone alone now.i shall suffer alone.people would not be stress cos of me.and i wont be making people life a much of sufferring. i know im just useless,unwanted.im noisy and irritates people.i dont have the looks and i dont have the attitude that people would even be proud to call me as a friend.i hate myself for being so stupid to let people hurt me before and in the end im the one sufferring.i hate myself for being soo stupid to even solve her own probs and even listen to her stupid heart!! i just hate what im doing.people are just telling me all about their probs but im just stressed enough to even think about mine.why do people keeps coming to me and not acknowledging about my probs.i told myself im not having you no more cos of those stupid past and i cant trust you no more.im trying to find someone to distract me but somehow again that one would be gone by time and i would feel guilty.im confused and i hate it.i just need to find a distraction. i dont know what i have been doing lately.i think ive irritates you keep telling you bout my probs and im just expecting stupid things from you which im not even sure of.i hate of thinking bout this and that.people keep asking me to stop thinking negative but i cant.i feel better thinking bout negativity as im prepared to face it.. just what is wrong with me!! i guess im really giving up in everything what im doing cos i hate my stupid life right now.how i wish i was not even born and experiencing all this stupid life and pathetics of life.i just dont feel unwanted.all i need is the attention and love cos thats the one that im living with.love just sucks for me.
Monday, October 19, 2009 @ 21:33
today had the performing arts challenge for Biz sch.gosh ferstly let me say, i love the make up.it looked so simple and beautiful.i guess my bangs kind of helped it.and the beautiful costumes.i was feeling damn nervous cos' its my ferst time having to dance those bitch kind of song,vogue2ly.gosh but embarrassing moments happen to me when the song just begins,my fan just slipped off my hand.and i straight away went to grab it.and it hurts when i heard every single audience laughing at me.i feel like breaking down but alhamdulilah,the show went perfectly normal after that.no issue of steps and i was having much fun dancing.after those whole performance,stayed back in sch for training.from that moment people were like disturbing me,kipas jatuh yer.malu or wat!i was stressed up.during training,had most of my time joining the hip hop dancers doing dikir barat and crazy2 most of the time,jumping around.im soo looking forward for the other school's performance. im soo looking forward for tomorrow's subway lunch wif khai and all. im trying to start anew.
Sunday, October 18, 2009 @ 14:40
 yesterday went for the Impak Maksima Musical 09.It was an awesome show.full of comedy and romantic scenes causing me to cry thinking bout my past.during the show wasnt feeling that good ,so didnt laugh that much.im kind of worried for my 2mrws performance.in short.gtg. please yes i need to be strong.i dont understand all this.i dont know what to do.im lost,confused.im trying to be strong and ignore anything that is troubling me.it hurts really.when i feel too stressed up,i just breakdown.im trying not to rely on you really.
Saturday, October 17, 2009 @ 11:13
last few days have been a very pack day for me with dance and the upcoming performance this mon.and not to forget,had balinese dance to with cikgu..and gosh its damn fun!!getting to know the steps and all.and yesterday,had a marina barrage tour.it was fun taking photos with Cemta-ians.crazy2,jumping2 and all.i shall upload the pics like soon.but most of the nicest pics are at nash cammie.after that,went to Ehub downtown to watch movie.kamal and his fren arsyad was supposed to join us but they were late.so me and atik decided to watch 2 movies yesterday.us gerls watch 500 days of summer.i love the movie!! the gerl looks like a bastard though but i understand her cos shes confused and doing things the way she wanted and not thinking about other peoples feelings.she is soo like me about her life.after which,then meet up with the guys.it was a fun night i can say.watching Pandorum with them,it was my kind of movie.i like! those like resident evil kind,zombie2.atik was like spending herself till she felt real broke.she bought nachos and popcorns to herself.haiyor atik.arsyad was okay and he have vespa! gosh,i was like that is so classic and vintage!i like! one day,ajak yana tompang ehk.bleh feeling2 hee!! plenty of embarassing things happen for me.i accidentally shouted at the escalator cos i missed a step,i was talking nonsense about advance booking to the counter gerl,were looking for seats for the 2nd movie and didnt know that we actually chose the couples seat,trus gabra tukar normal seats hehe!!, the guy counter was like looking at me while i was there accompanying atik ordering.im like hello,atik is the one ordering not me..haha!,needed to check id for pandorum,hello i knw lar i dont look like my age,but the person just took so long to calculate my age,haiyar!i shouted twice in the cinema cos theres plenty of suspense but i was the only one shouting.gosh paiseh or wat!and at night was supposed to text atik about this someone,but i accidentally text it to someone.gosh,paiseh! but overall an awesome day,feeling happy and not thinking about anything else. mal,arsyad atik,next movie the Jennifer's Body ehk! hehe!!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 @ 22:34
now,since school have reopened new modules were welcoming me. although it may only looked like 2 modules,but the books are like plentiful. the new timetable are like okay,acceptable i can say. my latest schedule is ending sch every wed at 5 pm but starting at 11am.gosh,at least i can save some cash hah.hee.sw had started and i already promised myself no more skipping hah yana. im not going to be a Major loser,just like wat nana said, coming back to sch for another 6 months just for sw.so sickening right!.haiyo.lately im feeling damn stressed up.i can say that every day there's training.i need to catch up on plenty of steps.gosh,and im so slow in catching up.haiz.i didnt realise that i could break down at the studio itself. and not to forget im stressed up about the IA work thingy.i just feel so stressed up.my life now feels so packed and busy. how come people can know about me but i cant even realise it myself.
Monday, October 12, 2009 @ 23:21
school have begun!! yeah,i love going to school meeting my beloveds and bestfriends!!
Friday, October 9, 2009 @ 22:44
you're pissing me off. i have limits to my patience. do you even realise that you have not even utter a word to me or even a simple text msg. where goes your sayings of frens hah. *breathe in,breathe out yana.
@ 21:50
STOMP '09 is awesome and exciting.they really interact with the audience and make us part of the show somehow.i went there straight after my work,met lee ferst as he's going alone from tamp.at city hall,met atik and off we went.me atik and lee were so damn hungry!! till lee looked pale out of hunger.you cant skip your meals hah.we had photo sessions once there.met the rest of cemta-ians.gosh! i miss them lots.1 whole mth of not going to cemta and training,i just feel awkward around them till me and atik decided to stay together since we are in the same situation. i was suddenly reminded of boy as he wanted to watch stomp too,but i did! bluek!hehe.after the whole event,rai lost her jackie while taking pics.it was her luck that it was found.proceed to marina square for late dinner.thanks to pap for fetching me home. today was my last day at work.had some photos taken.brought ferrero rocher for my colleagues.gave my 3 supervisors a simple thank you card.it was a great experience for me.i did learn new things about life.i learned that education is very important for job opportunities.i felt nervous when talking to GM,who is a Eurasian.im gonna miss all those catering food and finger clocking.im gonna miss you guys there. tomorrow,am going for chalet.and i have syafiq's open house too.ouh ya,and i told ibu to buy for me IPOD classic for birthday.then she say,kalo murah tkpe.that means i wont be getting one.sad2.and ibu also asked me to visit doc about my eye as she say my eye has an extra red vein.im scared,i dont wanna know whatever sickness im having.insyaallah,yana panjang umur.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009 @ 22:05
sometimes i set myself thinking why am i hurting myself all this while. why am i destroying my life. breaking down suddenly for no reasons. thats all i felt lately.
Monday, October 5, 2009 @ 21:11
I miss this happy gerl of mine,achieving her dreams of being a model.I miss my old fringe.
@ 20:06
i needed time to myself now.i dont want anyone to control my life.yes,im confused.i dont even know what my true feelings are.and i hated it when you or even anyone scold me.when i know im in wrong,i will keep quiet.yes im evil for hurting you all this while or maybe played with your feelings.but i have told you before i cant promise you anything.but i dont like it when you keep insisting about us.yes,you are right.i cant get over him.i tried to forget boy,but i couldnt.everywhere it seems im reminded of him.The Show by lenka was the song he 'sang to me' all night on the phone,although he only did the humming.bus 27 just reminded me of him too,where we spent most of our time at T1 movie marathon.yes,people may say all they want about me being crazy for him when you are there beside me waiting for me.they wont know how i felt when im with him.even that someone whom once said we are bestfrens and knew much about me,are far away gone.one by one people are leaving me.it hurts me about those memories with boy.but i kept strong when i saw him after few months.boy,i tried not to talk to you yesterday cos i know you're avoiding me,but idk why i said goodbye to you in the end.finding a replacement for you tend out to be difficult.boy,thanks for those memories.i wish you the best with your choice.you made me feel special.i hope we will be together one day.people can hate me for hurting you damn much,and played with your feelings.yes im evil.thanks.just let me be alone.i cant take all this no more.
@ 19:28
yesterday,went for a short raya visiting at families houses,only 3 i can say. but then,after which,i went to mal's aunty open house.coincidently,his cousin knew me,my guides junior of mine.gosh,was excited i can say and nervous..idk why..heh..i went ard 6+,how late.sorry aite mal..it was a wonderful day,talking bout my guides life and how much i miss all those.i was being damn full not being able to eat most of the food,im sorry.but i knew the food there was nice.his cuzzies are all damn friendly.they make me feel part of their family.but weird things happen.most of the younger ones thought i was indian and some even commented that i dont look like im still schooling.hehe.i take it all as a compliment though.they invited me to play bunga api with them.we had photo takings,i invited the young one to make stupid faces like mine.hehe..yg bukan2 jek yana ajar..i stayed there till 8.30pm.then mal and his lil bro accompanied me to my aunty house nearby.i pity them for needing to walk back,which is quite far.thanks so much.okay cut it short.I love your family mal..had some positive comments about myself from his aunty.and i had some embarassing moments which is only knew by me.hee. these were the pics from yesterday.I just Love my beloved lil bro,Syukri.I Love You!!despite not letting me to kiss you. :)  
Saturday, October 3, 2009 @ 14:12
gosh,hello.im currently stuck at home.earlier in the morning accompanied my lil bro for his dentist appointment.i just couldnt resist looking at him going thru' the pain till i shed tears for him.i just love him lots. now,im home wif my lil bro n ibu.2 of my sis went jalan raya.im soo jealous!!..i wanna go out also.hmph!! i guess i shall continue my report then.
Friday, October 2, 2009 @ 21:30
ferstly,im sorry bout the lack of updates.im currently am busy with my attachment.how fast can the time gets.i have one more week till the end of IA.okey,working at Pratt & Whitney is fun,an experience.daily,went to work wif leana.leana am posted to Finance whereas im posted to HR.seriously working in HR is fun,i can look at the records of all employee esp those student attachment too.hee.kepo me..my colleagues are awesome,although their age maybe 30+ years apart,but they are nice to me.our lunch is always catered since the nearest canteen is closed.cheap food i can say,nasi briyani w/ chicken rendang n achar for only $2.50.gosh!.i find myself gaining weight there as i dont really do much of walking around.so i would find myself sitting always after drinks n snacks.the company has many foreigners esp those from India and China.listening to their thick accent just makes me blur when talking to them.there was once i had to call an interviewee asking for their previous employer's name.i heard 'Piano" but when my supervisor called,the name was actually 'Fiona"..how far can that get..was it cause of my weak hearing..should i join for their hearing test this monday.hehe.this monday,new employee would be coming,mainly 3 malay guys.my colleague were like disturbing me,asking me to choose mine on that day..haiyo..making my way home,i would take the company's transport to Tamp MRt since its FOC.heh.typical Sporean.leana would the the usual bus,n the 'buah hati' would always be waiting for her.hee.. raya celebration,was much better than last year.did get to have 1 day raya outing with lanang ayunda.it was awesome.i miss my BESTFRIENDS LOTS2!!!! i have bought for myself Volcom Hoodie from Miz 29 for $50.I love the abgs there.very friendly,and they dont make me feel stressed up instead gave me their opinions..met rai and kassim n natri..gosh was damn happy to meet them.i love you guys!! okay i better get going and do my report and presentation for IA.. p.s.falling for you geek
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