YANA penguin

Alone and dying.

2010-01-20T20:24:00.003+08:00

i hate my life now.everything around me seems to be very wrong and i hate it.i feel very left out and all alone.lately things have been getting hang wire with my life.im not living the life to the fullest now.it feels like im giving up in living.where was everyone.why didnt anyone asked about me,after what have happened to me.am i living this world alone,all to myself.dont they realised that im more sensitive now,needing people's love and caring for me.despite me not having to have any love from my closest dad of all.till now,im the one searching for people,and despite what have happened now,it just continues to be that way.oh yes,you guys may have your own fren,despite me not having a SINGLE FREN to myself.you guys may have your own hanging out with frens as you guys are so called more wanted and popular,being loved alot by other.im just a gerl being left all alone.

and to you.you are different now,or maybe it was me.idk.it felt you're going far away from me.somehow it felt like you were faking your love for me.i cant feel your love no more,or easy said everyone's.it felt that things are changing between us.i no more find the need from you in having me there for you.its just that you just carry on with ur life.im no more putting hope in us.im giving up.im lazy to be the one going to you,crawling for your attention and care.day by day,jealousy just comes to me.i guess im not ready for any relationship.its just no one is able to understand me and my situation.you can just carry on doing those things that you love being around your many gerlfriends,despite me not having any guyfren whom i can count on to.

im too stressed up now.i cant hold my tears now,it feels as though my head feels like bursting.yes im someone who keeps all my sorrows to myself as no one wants to hear about it.its the best now that im being left all alone.i feel lonely,not needed.im giving up.sorry if i were to hurt your guys feeling by all this but i cant take it no more.its killing me alot.dont need to say anything as NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME AND NEED ME TO BE AROUND THEM NOW.

"Relationships are messy,and people's feelings get hurt."

2010-01-13T20:00:00.000+08:00

Things feel different now.totally..

weight issues

2009-12-20T23:18:00.003+08:00

these just proves everything about my weight.seriously i feel angry with myself for not doing anything to it.but i shall make a difference to my body weight starting from now.people just wouldnt understand how paranoid i am towards any slight increase in my weight.yes maybe im not fat due to the skinny hands of mine,but i am gaining weight for like 3kgs.my usual weight is 41kg,and my ideal weight is 40kg.i shall not now depend on others i have to make my own sacrifices myself.i shall work hard for it and no one can now say anything to prevent me from losing weight.it hurts when people cant motivates me in doing so and ended up having to do it myself.nvm,its okey.

insyaallah,i will get to shaped up my body.just wish me luck and support me.thats all.

2009-12-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

IM FAT!!

ARGHHHH!!

2009-12-17T20:19:00.002+08:00

where goes all the respect and rights for women.are women just a place where men just place their desires on.why does women tend to be easily abused,sexually or physically.why must women tend to be the weaker sex.why.we too need to feel appreciated always.

myself

2009-12-16T21:15:00.003+08:00

I am such a nuisance in life.
I am such a burden to people around me.
I am just hurting myself alot.
I am hating myself alot.
I am just making myself feel so cheap,having no dignity in life.
I am just making myself feel like a rubbish just by the road,which was then picked up by someone saying that I can be fixed and looked perfect in that peson's eyes.
I keep doing things without thinking twice,ended up regretting it.

2009-12-15T15:12:00.000+08:00

or should i just keep my hair like that??..

2009-12-15T14:39:00.002+08:00

yesterday,had survivor challenge with the CEMTA-ians.it was very fun camp ever!! it was held at Sentosa,Camp Challenge.we were grouped according to our CCAs.us malay dancers, LANANG WARRIORS,soul percussion,SAMBA PETIR,guitar club,ROCK STAR,hip hop dancers,FRESH ELEMENTS.it wasnt any usual camps i had went for.the games had was totally different.it was very fun.we had plentiful of activities before our water rafting challenge.we malay dancers really get to know about each other's weaknesses.we somehow get along very well.i liked the last activity alot.we had to really take good care of our hands so as to avoid penalty.it was funny getting point things not using our hands.hehe!! then we had our rafting.gosh it was tiring and fun too.actually i really am not good in building one,but i only like to do the pedalling.hehe.!! we actually had our designs in our mind,but with the instructor's opinions it kinds of distract us from it.in the end,after failing to come up with anymore ideas we decided to stick with ours.hehe!!thanks to some guys for helping us.we only had khai and fauzi in our group.hehe.we had to bring our members to the other island back and forth and only 5 people are allowed on the raft.the guys were our "drivers".they had to take us gerls there for 6 times.hee.pity them,but in the end we were the ferst group to finish the whole race.hehe!!the day ended well with a video of our embarrasing moments during th whole day.it was funny looking at our behaviours.haha!!

lastly am enjoying the camp to best.the instructors told us that we were the best team to be with them for the year 2009.aww,sweet aite!!thanks to them for making the day an exciting one too.

tomorrow will be having our Lanang Ayunda gathering at Sentosa.

kamal,dont give up on whatever you do aite.its just no harm to keep on trying.

2009-12-13T18:07:00.002+08:00

what should i do to my hair.

1)

2)

i have always been wanting to have red lips.

victoria beckham

2009-12-13T18:04:00.001+08:00

LOVE HER <3

2009-12-13T00:14:00.001+08:00

this is the vintage queen that i was searching for the name all along.

AUDREY HEPBURN,an elegant lady.

2009-12-12T01:16:00.000+08:00

im in love with victoria beckham.

2009-12-10T21:41:00.003+08:00

i just wanna crazy-crazy kind of guy that just makes me happy always,and makes me feel crazy and puts laughter and happiness to my life always.someone whom i wont get bored of after many years of knowing you.

im hating love

2009-12-10T20:12:00.002+08:00

i have just been wondering lately about myself.day by day i keep wondering.why cant i be as pretty as other gerls.why cant i just dress up like other gerls.why cant i feel like the other gerls having the perfect guy to themselves and feeling proud to say he's mine.why aren't i feeling that way.why cant i be like the other gerls out there who is being liked by others alot,and when you are not there,you will be the first to be asked about your whereabouts.why didnt i feel appreciated and happy with whatever i have in life right now.why do i keep asking for many things and not even feeling thankful for what i have.why cant i have any of my own expertise.why cant i have the guy of my own.is it cos of my expectations zie?why am i feeling stressed up every single day.im just being stupid cos of guys really,i get stress cos of them,sad cos of them,angry cos of them just everything cos of them.i just wanna be the gerl who cant have the things that i want,like example i really wanna skate but why cant till now i have one.i want money to buy stuff,why cant i just find work for money.cant i just go out after sch.must i just get stuck at home doing only housework till im old.why must i face all this?why cant i just have my needs.

boy,upon hearing the news about you my mind just reminded me of you.i was there staring blankly smiling at myself remembering those memories.im just being evil by doing all those stuff to you.i know u are officially taken.but why am i feeling this way.i dont wanna think about love no more.i dont wanna know anything about love.its making me stressed up.as for you lee,i guess im really evil.i dont even know what i was doing all along to you.but i feel that i dont wanna depend on you alot.maybe we should stop seeing each other alot of times.maybe we should just treat each other as frens.i really dont wanna think about it.im stressed!i know im hurting you again,i guess it will never ends about us hurting each other.really im tired of love.

maybe im just giving up.i dont even feel thankful of you lee,ALLAH! im evil. forgive me please.no one can really understand me really.

2009-12-09T20:31:00.001+08:00

life live it to the fullest!

2009-12-07T21:17:00.002+08:00

had movie marathoning with lee at cathay downtown.watched these movies.thanks lee for the day and making me not to feel much stress.

at last i got to watch this movie.i love it.it was damn f-romantic.i love the last sentence before it all ended."can you promise me one thing and forever,MARRY ME".what a sweet way to ask since his the quiet kind of guy.i hope there's a continuation somehow.hehe!!they are just a sweet and cute couple.

afterwhich,watched 2012,lee's have been aiming for it.it was not a bad movie afterall,despite the ending which i cant understand of actually.i was feeling damn scared about judgement day really.felt like crying watching on how mankind get separated from their loved ones.i know the actual day we cant even realise our loved ones.

tomorrow am accompanying lee to go sim lim to buy his stuff..next movie,shutter island.

2009-12-06T18:24:00.000+08:00

i dont why my fingers just suddenly wants to search for wedding gowns.

credits to labelle boutique

2009-12-06T17:43:00.003+08:00

next upcoming week is the last week of school.gosh im gonna miss school alots.and speaking about hols,im left with 2 more weeks before my trip to KL.gosh,im still am not sure yet what to wear.and currently as usual im still struggling with my weight which is making me feel uncomfortable with my body alots.

the previous days was spend for the christmas dreams concert.although we did the dance for like 3 times straight,i was feeling bored.but upon knowing about the kids as our audience and the venue for the performance,it somehow erases those feelings.we girls were quite lazy with the make up since the venue was dark.i was expecting everything to went well and at first was having lots of fun dancing,but in the end things get cock up and spoilt everything.didnt even feel happy dancing.wth!hate this feelings lots.after the whole event,proceed to meet my family members.ended the night with a tummy full of mac's food.gosh.for the last week,am hoping to have a well week ahead,despite the studies.im in need of money and work somehow.i need to buy lots of things for myself.im impatiently waiting for ITE life to end and graduate with good grades which qualifies me for the business course i want,its either from SP or TP.im still thinking of pursuing my dance passion during polys.

relationships have made me learned lots of mistakes i have stupidly make in life.but thinking bout it,i dont want to have another one till the guy i met in the future is my fate.i dont wanna go through another relationship which doesnt or cant even promise happiness,probably it would just be sickening.but i too wanna feel the feeling of love and being needed in life.i wanna be with a person im comfortable with understands me and someone who wont get me bored of after knowing them for like few years down the road.some guys wont or even cant respect girls right,but i want mine to be one who respects girls privacy and the sensitiveness a girl have toward pleasure.for once,a woman is never for pleasure always for men.i hate it seeing guys who just easily touches the girls butts and making fun of it.it disturbs the girls mind alot and make others seem as thought the girl is cheap.btw,this are just my opinion.may be i should just ignore if im irritated with the way a person may treats me so as to let them know that im sick of it.it would be better letting them know the truth on how we felt about their behaviour rather than insincerely talking to them back to prevent them from sulking.i just think the truth is the best.in overall,im just trying to live my life to the fullest.

i loved yesterday.

2009-12-03T08:25:00.002+08:00

yesterday had the audit CA.actually at ferst i was not quite prepared.but upon seeing the paper,i was smiling and doing the paper easily.alhamdulilah.overall im confident of getting an A but insyaallah.okay,afterwhich decided to pamper myself after those CA so ate western food at C2 with atik and rai.continued school as usual.after sch,met up with atik,rai and lee and went to take our money.Very happy lar kan,as planned atik wants us to sit somewhere and chill so yup.at ferst we were undecisive on where to go.but i think starbucks is still the best.it was the ferst time lee went to starbucks,so yup.helped him with the menu,explaining what i know of.we ordered 4 drinks,1 drink each, oreo cheesecake,cinnamon roll,cheese bagel which im in love so much,and atik's breakfast waffle.i tried the new dark cherry mocha,was kind of forcing myself to finish it.hehe!we sat talking about our probs,expressing each and everyone's doubt.it was fun.and suddenly zie wanted to tag along,we make a joke about us being at Paris.his airplane which was made of starbucks tissue,went to some turbulence but he reached Paris with only a small bag as his luggage was missing.anyway,if you guys dont understand,actually there's a joke behind it.hehe.we ended the day with much laughter and it was an awesome day.! we shall have it again,to strengthen our friendship together aite.

next hangout time,ice skating at jurong or kallang aite bestfriends!

btw,im still trying to get to my old weight of 41kg.im currently am now 43kg.my ideal weight is 40kg.so yup.

its killing me.

2009-12-01T21:52:00.001+08:00

okay firstly,i passed my BTT!! oh yeah!!.

BUT,i have audit CA tomorrow which im not quite prepared with! gosh,im struggling and panicking!!

LASTLY,im getting FAT!!!

please help me.

2009-11-29T21:51:00.002+08:00

gosh,i feel like screaming!!!

firstly,why?
-im getting fat.
-im no more having that flat tummy.
-i forgot that im having auditing ca which is on wed.
-im nervous for my btt on tues,hope i can do well.
-im stressed about my gpa and studies.
-i dont know what to do now.

Im panicking...

wonderful days.

2009-11-29T21:29:00.002+08:00

it has been a very tiring 3 days straight of big event for me.

on fri,it was Salam Aidiladha.as usual it would be going to my neneks house to have my fav sambal goreng pengantin.afterwhich had majlis cukur rambut of my anak sedare,dina.it was short day but tiredness can be felt really.

on sat had abg dol's majlis nikah.it was fun looking at how the ceremony works and the different kind of people's reactions and behaviour on that particular event.my family made green as the theme.alhamdulilah,everything went well.and not to forget,i have been eating alot.cos of that im no more having that flat tummy of mine.i hate it.btw,i love the bride's pelamin,very the royal kind.love it.but still am wanting that frame of red roses behind.didnt stayed that long.

on the wedding day,it was very fun.i guess my dressing was okay.and i dont know why for the last 2 days,i was having mood to make up.for more,just look at my fb or multiply.i love the food and catering.for once,i felt that there was no work for me to do as the kendarat had settled all.i loved the whole event.actually i dont know what else to say.but in Overall,i had fun.

i love this pic of my cute lil bro with much loved.it was taken by me and see he just look like squirrel.hehe.love you bro!

To Abg Dol and wife,may you have a great life ahead going thru ups and downs of marriage together.do have big family aite.hee.may you last long together,hingga ke anak cucu.btw,kak i love you black red dress,really.hee.

2009-11-25T20:56:00.003+08:00

sorry for the lack of updates.okay,as planned for the previous training we had games and work out session for us dancers.seriously,im lacking of stamina.i need to build up all that.we had cikgu to lead us the warming up and went for 1 jog round.i was panting by then,fat yana! afterwhich played my all time fav 'guides' game which is polo flour.overall it was fun getting to play even though it was a short 5 min game.we had water bomb mainly to khai cos it was his birthday next week,hehe.i thought i was get to be excused from all the sabotage cos i was the game master.but in the end couldnt run from khai.but there was this lee who tried to escape but in the end gotcha!!haha.

about the dance explosion,i was disheartened and disappointed that we were disqualified.gosh,we shldnt have practise for that 1 whole month.nonsense.even the fresh elements didnt get thru.haiyo,they were like better than the res,not to sexy kind.

sch,i feel like crying.im truly worried about my ca aa2 results.my instinct just tell me that im failing it.im scared.earlier on had ngee ann students coming to our sch for sharing session,the gpa requirement are 3.8 and mine is only 3.6.i have to f-ing work real hard for my last semester.now im like panicking,or im really am.i dont know where to start.today i had 2 tissue prata,gosh i can go fat.and accompanied lee to buy his adidas bag,but told him not to.but in the end bought for himself volcom berms.i wanted too,but too big for me.yeah,okb katekn.nevermind.

life have been sickening for me.having family probs.money probs.every problems are just linked together.

2009-11-24T22:10:00.005+08:00

there's no more excitement between us.everything seems so wrong.im confused.i dont know if what im doing right now is the right thing to do.i think what i need right now is a break from everything.it hurts that even you cant understand what i want in life.i even need to shape my body up.if i cant count on you,i shall do everything on my own without your help.

i need money to:
1-buy skateboard
2-buy vintage belt
3-buy new flat shoe
4-buy bag
5-buy ipod classic
6-shopping

i need to find a job.

2009-11-22T21:07:00.002+08:00

on sat morning till afternoon,had the Quest amazing race with sim,lee and atik.it was a very tiring day,running non stop and i so feel fat though or should i say short of stamina somehow.hehe.need to build up on that.finished the race rushed back home to prepare for the wedding performance.it was a very stressful day not getting the steps and formation well.felt like giving up but just continued despite the small space and stage.it was funny looking at the video with the nervous and blur face of mine.

today had the dance explosion performance.everything went quite well and i was kind of fast while dancing one part and it was obvious.i guess what cikgu said is true,we gerls tend to get nervous with big crowd despite knowing the steps very well and ended up,cocking it up.haiz,we need to practice on that.but we did have fun in overall.and not to forget the Fresh Elements were awesome,they are just unique in their own way.hope we both groups would get to the final.pray hard.okey,would be sleeping early tonight to replenish the tiredness for the last 2 days.and tomorrow would be having a special training with the juniors.*surprise hah* would be having my 3rd etrial,and im left with one before the actual test.

2009-11-20T20:56:00.002+08:00

okay,tomorrow is going to be a very rushing day i can say.morning till afternoon,having th eQuest,nebo amazing race event.afterwhich,have to rush for wedding performance which is nearby my house and we need to be ready by 5.30pm.i dont how much rush it will be.god,help me.

sickening day.

2009-11-19T21:24:00.002+08:00

today i was feeling damn sick and tired.i dont know what went wrong,i had boiled potatoe for breakfast and my fav C3 bee hoon. attended the morning lesson but got to know teacher was on mc.bingit or wat,i shld have just slept.haiyo.slacked in class till 10.50 and we were dismissed.afterwhich waited for lee to accompany me for my break.by then,i was feeling uneasy and felt like vomiting.but i just tried to hold on to it.proceed to buy the 10cents sweet to get rid of that vomiting taste.sat outside seng city there,as i was feeling weak and couldnt take it no more.i was sitting for a long time,asking lee for plastic bag,and tissues.there i was letting all out till i cried as it hurts my throat real bad.people were walking along and saw me.geraldine approached me and ask if i was alright.but i couldnt talk that much.i just kept on vomiting and decided not to go for the rest of my lessons.proceed to cemta to have some rest,as i cant go home,need to be there for training which i didnt even get well.cemta was freezing cold.i asked lee to find porridge for me as that is what i usually eat when im sick.so off he went.i just took some good rest there.felt much better and went for a hot tea with khai and the rest.i was feeling damn hungry and text lee for his whereabouts.at last he came with the porridge and i was feeling much better after.during training was just having lots of fun,jumping2 around.but am still feeling uneasy.lee was scolding for making myself stressed up till i went sick.

thanks lee for being there for me and helping me out.im sorry if i embarassed you with myself vomiting.i know all are okay with it.thanks for asking around for my porridge.thanks for taking good care of me and ensuring that im okay.that was really sweet of you.loved you.

ouhyar today atik went for her date movie.and i was excited to see this guy,atik keeps saying he looks like my beloved taufik.was very excited sent atik to his car.gosh,let me call him 'hot guy'.im happy for atik in knowing hot guy.yes atik i agree,he's hot.hee.hope you're having lots of fun there.

okay,i better get going and watch ANTM which i missed last week cos of feeling damn tired.

2009-11-18T22:23:00.002+08:00

im fucking stressed up with everything around me.todays CA was a mess cos of my stupid careless mistake.dance was more like a fucking mess,being left out in everything always,cant get those steps on time,having to memorise the formation which will thus makes the steps more challenging.i can be the one being stupid dancing ugly while the rest are dancing beautifully.life have been a mess with family probs,stupid status which just makes stupid jealousy and down moments.i hate it.

Im Stressed Up!!

i saw this new phone at the net and gosh im falling for it.its nice and sleek.i shld have waited abit longer before i bought the LG cookie.stupid yana.gd things come to those who wait.

peace,love,happiness

2009-11-15T10:31:00.002+08:00

for the past few days,family issues have been increasing,which i get upset with and irritated with.i hate all this.those feelings just sucks.ouh and yesterday went to book for my etrial and btt.early in the morning,decided to wear mals bag.but suddenly the strap was broken.i was panicking at that moment.wanted to call mal up,but i think he was still sleeping soo left him a message.did my bookings and btt on 1 Dec.and starting next week my past times would be pack for etrial.gosh,im soo nervous,paiseh liao.hee.afterwhich went to cgh,to accompany my aunt for sending yaie for xray.alhamdulilah yaie is fine,its just that he needs to do exercising of his swollen hand.yest night,decided to sew those strap and yes i did it.so its all okay now.was watching soccer,i knew spore would lose cos the players were like not even running.haiyo.me and my dad was like shouting with disappointment.hee.and today am going for ayu's birthday party.ouh yeah,it has been long i have been to one.

2009-11-12T22:07:00.000+08:00

im feeling damn confused.

2009-11-12T21:56:00.002+08:00

in the end after much intensive training,the balinese performance was today.reached school real early,had a very peace make up no rushing.overall the performance is a job well done.we did quite well,despite doing the 'dek pong' to peep at other mates.hehe.i think i did well and including the rest too.afterwhich had some vogue modelling with iffa,fliq and rai.gosh it felt as though im modelling at that moment.its an experience for the hip hop dancers dancing balinese dance,getting to do all the make up and all.hee.. :)

p.s loving balinese dance.

2009-11-11T09:20:00.003+08:00

it has been a very tiring day of continuous daily training for the upcoming show on thurs.it was very stressful in getting it right.im stressed up thinking about my body which just doesnt seems so right and proportionate.getting those legs and body that i want just seems so difficult.friendships can sometimes be a pain due to jealousy.but am good that i have a close friend to rely on.studies have been awesome,getting those modules quite well.alhamdulilah.

i dont understand why im feeling this way.it hurts me real bad as you just left me like that,or maybe i just cant accept the F-fact of it.why does it just feels that theres hope in us.would there be.more than months have passed since you left me just like that despite saying that we could be friends but ignoring me for the rest of your life.why must it turn out to be this way.or was i just putting high hopes.or its about me being stupid.no one can understand me.when those moments that i needed someone,my mind just flashes back those sweet moments we had together although it was only a few.im not trying to interfere in that life of yours.ahh,nevermind.forget it.

2009-11-06T21:38:00.000+08:00

When you can't have what you want, it's time to start wanting what you have.

2009-11-06T21:20:00.002+08:00

it have been quite sometime that i didnt update bout my life.so far life has been going great,despite sometimes i would be reminded of boy although i hate it when those times must appear.school have been okay,studies managable.but auditing is just making a pain at my ass.very irritating module i can say.i just find it kind of irritated.so far AA2 have been okay,manageable.would be having CA soon.i shall aim very high for the upcoming CA.from this week onwards i somehow need to start revising the lengthy 4 chapters of memorising and understanding.tarian,having BALI performance this thurs.gosh,damn nervous.heh.so far getting the steps were fine but knowing the sequence quite well.

ouh yeah,yesterday was approached by someone for freelance model for the ferst time.i was happy to be approached with.its like as if my dreams are coming true soon.hee.but kak banie was explaining to me,we had to pay for our portfolio ard $300+.where would i have that amount.the guitar tale we went was awesome,simple.and today went for farm tour.went to organic vegetable farm.i was like sleeping otw there and back again.haha.i was damn tired i guess.

lately,i just wanna go things slow for both of us.we need to be like before again,and its hard.im happy for you going for the Bluco percussion.i knew how much you wanted that,but im just suddenly reminded of our past.im sorry to hurt you for saying that.but it hurts me more if im ever to go thru those things again.

love lives forever

2009-11-04T09:44:00.002+08:00

yes,at last i get to watch my ever wanted movie, MJ This Is It. watched it with lee at downtown.im really am proud to grade it 5/5. it was an overwhelming movie or i can say concert.it was an entertaining one.it showcases his rehearsals for the london show which was not held in the end. i could see that he looks like he had suffered since young,but idk if its true.it seems that he expressed his sufferrings thru songs and his care for the planet.i love his song about life and earth.it just makes me wanna tears.the dancers are thankful that MJ himself chose them and trained with him.MJ is a funny and simple guy i can see.people during the rehearsal respect him alot. yes i agree his the king of pop!! i was singing to his song and dancing on the seats.gosh,i love his songs.he treats everyone fairly and he isnt that sombong.he allows the lady guitarist to take his stage for a solo part,insisting that it was her time to shine.he's very humanity kind of person.i love him.quote of him was,' love everyone as love lives forever'.

not to forget yesterday i saw the beautiful shining full moon.it was just soo beautiful and attracting my attention wherever i go.

next movie,halloween.

2009-11-02T22:03:00.001+08:00

gosh,i love her.shes just soo sweet,simple and elegant.i love her body,perfectly in shaped.

i soo need to work on my body now for having meals often lately.n i love her dress up and the way she models in front of the cammie.

arts camp

2009-10-31T20:14:00.003+08:00

arts camp overall was fun and exciting and not to forget a real experience for me being the team leader.it felt so pressurized trying to bring out the best for our group.although a discipline could be an issue,the wayang kulit play we had was a simple one.we had to make our own puppet and we decided to make story about ourselves.it had lots of humour but i think the teachers just said that it was great too to make us feel good.this yr,we slept at the school hostel.damn its like very nice damn nice.way much better than my room back home! haha.how i wish i could stay there with my friends not feeling that stressed up and getting to wake up just in time for school.hee.not to forget,i brought my bantal busuk along cos i know im gonna miss my lil bro.heh!i slept early at midnight while the rest slept at 2am,heh.i was quickly getting the play puppets ready so that to get things done quick.thanks to lee for helping me alot.ouh yar,for once im in the same group as lee.hahah!! he could see how bad i am in managing team and being a leader.i admit im not that creative to think of great ideas like the other groups.heh.i love the hostel really!!

so am looking forward for the next survivor challenge,heard there will be water rafting.gosh soo guiding!!im gonna make full use of my knowledge on that day,hope so.

i think i need to buy new shades for the genting trip but need to confirm with mal ferst.

2009-10-30T11:15:00.002+08:00

sorry for the lack of updates.okeys,theres plenty to be updated about,i guess hah.okays thanks to my beloveds bestfrens for having a mass celebration for the october babies,me kamal and hadi.gosh i was so happy on that day.after training as usual sat at cafe1.while waiting for i dont know who,kamal and arsyad came.i was so happy to see kamal but at the same time wondering why he came.then i came out with a cheer for khai , 1 kali khai,2 kali khai, 3 kali khai, KHAI KHAI KHAI!!!.haha..lol..kamal bought for me a pink nail polish from the face shop which i bet is very expensive.thanks lots aite mal.then while i was busy singing,everyone was like singing the birthday song,i was so lost and blur and asking who's birthday it was.cikgu was like pulling me up and sat in front of the cake.gosh ,my fav cake,dark choc truffle from royals.hehe.took fun pics together,then lee came and closed my eyes.i was shocked to see rai handing me a plastic bag written,CODE RED.and at that oint of time there was only 1 thing that came up to my mind,my HEELS!! and yes it was true!! hah,i was like shouting and quickly tried them on.i was walking around testing them.hah,i was damn excited i can say.very!! then after much eating of cakes and photos,as usual us tarian made our way to simpang.i would like to thanks arsyad for letting me have a ride on his vespe although it was a very short trip.jakuns yana!! seriously,i can never forget this celebration and remembering it back just makes me smile!! Thanks guys,i love you lots!!

next,im excited to say im going genting for the ferst time during the dec hols.i soo need to find a winter coat from atik,vintage bag from kamal,any mp4 for me to borrow for the trip.

im so waiting for the Quest with atik,lee and sim.and not to forget,survivor challenge.gosh excited~!

i shall get going for arts camp,see you soon.

hatred

2009-10-27T14:15:00.000+08:00

2009-10-25T22:20:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday to me!.

a simple celebration of going for macs breakfast,taking a walk2 at far east with beloved family.bought for myself a black lace jacket.despite not getting my oxfords heels.was kind of sad.got a midnight birthday wish from atik.sweet of her.nice wish and comments from khai.and got to contact mal again after a few days.gosh missed him. yes at last im legal 18 and can watch M18 movies and do all that i want.

p.s sometimes i do appreciate myself.

2009-10-23T17:58:00.001+08:00

im thinking of making my body well shaped somehow.

2009-10-23T17:35:00.002+08:00

ferst few days of the weeks are spent with my bestfriends in sch,going for training.those days were just so full filled with.but on thurs and fri seems to be a boring day in sch,not knowing what to do during my unused times.how i wish i have something to do during my free time.today was a very short day in sch,only 2 hrs.after sch,went to expo to take a look at the wedding event cos ive been wanting to go with iffa and khai's classmates.me n iffa were like excited to look at the pelamin and photography.there was someone who approached me for a makeover but must pay $180. then heard her saying about making a personal portfolio for $388.that sets me thinking wanting me to make my own and save for it.im soo making one in the future.i really wanna be a model.

ouh yes,speaking about free time,it seems that every thurs and fri after sch i have nothing to do especially friday.i have been thinking on what to do.going for gym but no one's going to accompany me,skating but dont have my own deck.haiz.im still thinking how to.

goodbye.

2009-10-21T21:08:00.002+08:00

days by days,life have been really getting in my nerves.life have been very stressful for me.i just hate it everything in my life right now.all those probs in my head are just building like mountains without me trying to stop it or something.cos of my stupid self not listening to my stupid heart.i cant even decide on anything for myself right now.i cant even listen to my stupid heart when everyone keeps asking me to cos i dont even know how to.i feel left out,i feel useless,i feel unwanted.

it seems like people are giving up on me.people are maybe just sick of helping me,giving me advices till leaving me alone right here.people around me are just leaving me alone.they just want me to make the decision myself i guess.but i cant,i hate all this.i hate thinking about anything cos it fucking hurts.why does people around me seems to pay attention to that someone more and everything is just about that someone.is it cos shes friendly,nice pretty,interacts with everyone.so me just being noisy and annoying,is meant to be ignores like that hah.wherever i go,its all about that someone.there was never a chance of people ever asking bout me or talking to me ferst.why.i hate it.i cant take it no more.all im feeling is hatred.

and i keep feeling this jealousy.why!!im supposed to be done over with you.but why am i stupid enough to feel jealous seeing you happy wif another gerl today who is just more beautiful than me.and im taking it as a threat somehow.why is it cos she looks like me.shes pretty,loves to laugh and called ur adik somehow.i just hate this stupid feeling.im just hurting myself doing all this.when i ask for people advise,im stupid to feel hurt and upset about what they say and in the end,giving up,not even wanting to try.im fuckingly stressed up.i guess thats my reasons for all my sufferings.but before i have sufferred alot,but why right now im sufferring it again.why not the other party.i feel pathetic.i guess im hurting you lots.but im confused and i hate it!.i hate myself!maybe i deserve all this right.i guess im leaving everyone alone now.i shall suffer alone.people would not be stress cos of me.and i wont be making people life a much of sufferring.

i know im just useless,unwanted.im noisy and irritates people.i dont have the looks and i dont have the attitude that people would even be proud to call me as a friend.i hate myself for being so stupid to let people hurt me before and in the end im the one sufferring.i hate myself for being soo stupid to even solve her own probs and even listen to her stupid heart!!

i just hate what im doing.people are just telling me all about their probs but im just stressed enough to even think about mine.why do people keeps coming to me and not acknowledging about my probs.i told myself im not having you no more cos of those stupid past and i cant trust you no more.im trying to find someone to distract me but somehow again that one would be gone by time and i would feel guilty.im confused and i hate it.i just need to find a distraction.

i dont know what i have been doing lately.i think ive irritates you keep telling you bout my probs and im just expecting stupid things from you which im not even sure of.i hate of thinking bout this and that.people keep asking me to stop thinking negative but i cant.i feel better thinking bout negativity as im prepared to face it..

just what is wrong with me!!

i guess im really giving up in everything what im doing cos i hate my stupid life right now.how i wish i was not even born and experiencing all this stupid life and pathetics of life.i just dont feel unwanted.all i need is the attention and love cos thats the one that im living with.love just sucks for me.

2009-10-19T21:33:00.002+08:00

today had the performing arts challenge for Biz sch.gosh ferstly let me say, i love the make up.it looked so simple and beautiful.i guess my bangs kind of helped it.and the beautiful costumes.i was feeling damn nervous cos' its my ferst time having to dance those bitch kind of song,vogue2ly.gosh but embarrassing moments happen to me when the song just begins,my fan just slipped off my hand.and i straight away went to grab it.and it hurts when i heard every single audience laughing at me.i feel like breaking down but alhamdulilah,the show went perfectly normal after that.no issue of steps and i was having much fun dancing.after those whole performance,stayed back in sch for training.from that moment people were like disturbing me,kipas jatuh yer.malu or wat!i was stressed up.during training,had most of my time joining the hip hop dancers doing dikir barat and crazy2 most of the time,jumping around.im soo looking forward for the other school's performance.

im soo looking forward for tomorrow's subway lunch wif khai and all.

im trying to start anew.

Impak

2009-10-18T14:40:00.002+08:00

yesterday went for the Impak Maksima Musical 09.It was an awesome show.full of comedy and romantic scenes causing me to cry thinking bout my past.during the show wasnt feeling that good ,so didnt laugh that much.im kind of worried for my 2mrws performance.in short.gtg.

please yes i need to be strong.i dont understand all this.i dont know what to do.im lost,confused.im trying to be strong and ignore anything that is troubling me.it hurts really.when i feel too stressed up,i just breakdown.im trying not to rely on you really.

movie marathon

2009-10-17T11:13:00.002+08:00

last few days have been a very pack day for me with dance and the upcoming performance this mon.and not to forget,had balinese dance to with cikgu..and gosh its damn fun!!getting to know the steps and all.and yesterday,had a marina barrage tour.it was fun taking photos with Cemta-ians.crazy2,jumping2 and all.i shall upload the pics like soon.but most of the nicest pics are at nash cammie.after that,went to Ehub downtown to watch movie.kamal and his fren arsyad was supposed to join us but they were late.so me and atik decided to watch 2 movies yesterday.us gerls watch 500 days of summer.i love the movie!! the gerl looks like a bastard though but i understand her cos shes confused and doing things the way she wanted and not thinking about other peoples feelings.she is soo like me about her life.after which,then meet up with the guys.it was a fun night i can say.watching Pandorum with them,it was my kind of movie.i like! those like resident evil kind,zombie2.atik was like spending herself till she felt real broke.she bought nachos and popcorns to herself.haiyor atik.arsyad was okay and he have vespa! gosh,i was like that is so classic and vintage!i like! one day,ajak yana tompang ehk.bleh feeling2 hee!!

plenty of embarassing things happen for me.i accidentally shouted at the escalator cos i missed a step,i was talking nonsense about advance booking to the counter gerl,were looking for seats for the 2nd movie and didnt know that we actually chose the couples seat,trus gabra tukar normal seats hehe!!, the guy counter was like looking at me while i was there accompanying atik ordering.im like hello,atik is the one ordering not me..haha!,needed to check id for pandorum,hello i knw lar i dont look like my age,but the person just took so long to calculate my age,haiyar!i shouted twice in the cinema cos theres plenty of suspense but i was the only one shouting.gosh paiseh or wat!and at night was supposed to text atik about this someone,but i accidentally text it to someone.gosh,paiseh!

but overall an awesome day,feeling happy and not thinking about anything else.
mal,arsyad atik,next movie the Jennifer's Body ehk!
hehe!!

2009-10-13T22:34:00.003+08:00

now,since school have reopened new modules were welcoming me. although it may only looked like 2 modules,but the books are like plentiful. the new timetable are like okay,acceptable i can say. my latest schedule is ending sch every wed at 5 pm but starting at 11am.gosh,at least i can save some cash hah.hee.sw had started and i already promised myself no more skipping hah yana. im not going to be a Major loser,just like wat nana said, coming back to sch for another 6 months just for sw.so sickening right!.haiyo.lately im feeling damn stressed up.i can say that every day there's training.i need to catch up on plenty of steps.gosh,and im so slow in catching up.haiz.i didnt realise that i could break down at the studio itself. and not to forget im stressed up about the IA work thingy.i just feel so stressed up.my life now feels so packed and busy.

how come people can know about me but i cant even realise it myself.

2009-10-12T23:21:00.000+08:00

school have begun!!
yeah,i love going to school meeting my beloveds and bestfriends!!

2009-10-09T22:44:00.001+08:00

you're pissing me off.

i have limits to my patience.

do you even realise that you have not even utter a word to me or even a simple text msg.

where goes your sayings of frens hah.

*breathe in,breathe out yana.

im loving myself.

2009-10-09T21:50:00.002+08:00

STOMP '09 is awesome and exciting.they really interact with the audience and make us part of the show somehow.i went there straight after my work,met lee ferst as he's going alone from tamp.at city hall,met atik and off we went.me atik and lee were so damn hungry!! till lee looked pale out of hunger.you cant skip your meals hah.we had photo sessions once there.met the rest of cemta-ians.gosh! i miss them lots.1 whole mth of not going to cemta and training,i just feel awkward around them till me and atik decided to stay together since we are in the same situation.i was suddenly reminded of boy as he wanted to watch stomp too,but i did! bluek!hehe.after the whole event,rai lost her jackie while taking pics.it was her luck that it was found.proceed to marina square for late dinner.thanks to pap for fetching me home.

today was my last day at work.had some photos taken.brought ferrero rocher for my colleagues.gave my 3 supervisors a simple thank you card.it was a great experience for me.i did learn new things about life.i learned that education is very important for job opportunities.i felt nervous when talking to GM,who is a Eurasian.im gonna miss all those catering food and finger clocking.im gonna miss you guys there.

tomorrow,am going for chalet.and i have syafiq's open house too.ouh ya,and i told ibu to buy for me IPOD classic for birthday.then she say,kalo murah tkpe.that means i wont be getting one.sad2.and ibu also asked me to visit doc about my eye as she say my eye has an extra red vein.im scared,i dont wanna know whatever sickness im having.insyaallah,yana panjang umur.

good things happen to those who wait.

2009-10-06T22:05:00.002+08:00

sometimes i set myself thinking why am i hurting myself all this while.

why am i destroying my life.

breaking down suddenly for no reasons.

thats all i felt lately.

2009-10-05T21:11:00.000+08:00

I miss this happy gerl of mine,achieving her dreams of being a model.I miss my old fringe.

trust the voice within.

2009-10-05T20:06:00.003+08:00

i needed time to myself now.i dont want anyone to control my life.yes,im confused.i dont even know what my true feelings are.and i hated it when you or even anyone scold me.when i know im in wrong,i will keep quiet.

yes im evil for hurting you all this while or maybe played with your feelings.but i have told you before i cant promise you anything.but i dont like it when you keep insisting about us.yes,you are right.i cant get over him.i tried to forget boy,but i couldnt.everywhere it seems im reminded of him.The Show by lenka was the song he 'sang to me' all night on the phone,although he only did the humming.bus 27 just reminded me of him too,where we spent most of our time at T1 movie marathon.yes,people may say all they want about me being crazy for him when you are there beside me waiting for me.they wont know how i felt when im with him.even that someone whom once said we are bestfrens and knew much about me,are far away gone.one by one people are leaving me.it hurts me about those memories with boy.but i kept strong when i saw him after few months.boy,i tried not to talk to you yesterday cos i know you're avoiding me,but idk why i said goodbye to you in the end.finding a replacement for you tend out to be difficult.boy,thanks for those memories.i wish you the best with your choice.you made me feel special.i hope we will be together one day.

people can hate me for hurting you damn much,and played with your feelings.yes im evil.thanks.just let me be alone.i cant take all this no more.

muacks.

2009-10-05T19:28:00.006+08:00

yesterday,went for a short raya visiting at families houses,only 3 i can say. but then,after which,i went to mal's aunty open house.coincidently,his cousin knew me,my guides junior of mine.gosh,was excited i can say and nervous..idk why..heh..i went ard 6+,how late.sorry aite mal..it was a wonderful day,talking bout my guides life and how much i miss all those.i was being damn full not being able to eat most of the food,im sorry.but i knew the food there was nice.his cuzzies are all damn friendly.they make me feel part of their family.but weird things happen.most of the younger ones thought i was indian and some even commented that i dont look like im still schooling.hehe.i take it all as a compliment though.they invited me to play bunga api with them.we had photo takings,i invited the young one to make stupid faces like mine.hehe..yg bukan2 jek yana ajar..i stayed there till 8.30pm.then mal and his lil bro accompanied me to my aunty house nearby.i pity them for needing to walk back,which is quite far.thanks so much.okay cut it short.I love your family mal..had some positive comments about myself from his aunty.and i had some embarassing moments which is only knew by me.hee.

these were the pics from yesterday.I just Love my beloved lil bro,Syukri.I Love You!!despite not letting me to kiss you. :)

ini dia kakakku yg JAMBU!

2009-10-03T14:12:00.002+08:00

gosh,hello.im currently stuck at home.earlier in the morning accompanied my lil bro for his dentist appointment.i just couldnt resist looking at him going thru' the pain till i shed tears for him.i just love him lots.

now,im home wif my lil bro n ibu.2 of my sis went jalan raya.im soo jealous!!..i wanna go out also.hmph!!

i guess i shall continue my report then.

2009-10-02T21:30:00.002+08:00

ferstly,im sorry bout the lack of updates.im currently am busy with my attachment.how fast can the time gets.i have one more week till the end of IA.okey,working at Pratt & Whitney is fun,an experience.daily,went to work wif leana.leana am posted to Finance whereas im posted to HR.seriously working in HR is fun,i can look at the records of all employee esp those student attachment too.hee.kepo me..my colleagues are awesome,although their age maybe 30+ years apart,but they are nice to me.our lunch is always catered since the nearest canteen is closed.cheap food i can say,nasi briyani w/ chicken rendang n achar for only $2.50.gosh!.i find myself gaining weight there as i dont really do much of walking around.so i would find myself sitting always after drinks n snacks.the company has many foreigners esp those from India and China.listening to their thick accent just makes me blur when talking to them.there was once i had to call an interviewee asking for their previous employer's name.i heard 'Piano" but when my supervisor called,the name was actually 'Fiona"..how far can that get..was it cause of my weak hearing..should i join for their hearing test this monday.hehe.this monday,new employee would be coming,mainly 3 malay guys.my colleague were like disturbing me,asking me to choose mine on that day..haiyo..making my way home,i would take the company's transport to Tamp MRt since its FOC.heh.typical Sporean.leana would the the usual bus,n the 'buah hati' would always be waiting for her.hee..

raya celebration,was much better than last year.did get to have 1 day raya outing with lanang ayunda.it was awesome.i miss my BESTFRIENDS LOTS2!!!!

i have bought for myself Volcom Hoodie from Miz 29 for $50.I love the abgs there.very friendly,and they dont make me feel stressed up instead gave me their opinions..met rai and kassim n natri..gosh was damn happy to meet them.i love you guys!!

okay i better get going and do my report and presentation for IA..

p.s.falling for you geek

trust the voice within

2009-09-30T22:33:00.004+08:00

sometimes when I thought I had found the happiness.
I wouldnt want to be told/tell them about it.
but then the happiness will slowly fade away right away from my face.

we tend to ignore the happiness,which is right in front of our eyes,
showing their true love for us.
but why cant I accept that fact.
why do I keep denying it.
I dont know if this is what I want right now.

I wanna say sorry to you for keep making you wait,
but I dont know why I cant accept the fact that you love me and wants me still.
why do I keep having doubts about it.
and I tend to look away,and find another happiness of mine.
those happiness i may have,hides the sorrowness in me.

2009-09-27T23:20:00.002+08:00

it have been more than a month since i last updated.life have been tough for me.i shall update more soon.currently am busy with my attachment.will be back aite.

p.s.oxford heels

2009-08-21T10:04:00.002+08:00

MORNING MORNING EARTHLINGS!! okay i just finished my AA class.now having break but aint eating as im gonna have another break before my remedial lessons.im using lee's lappie to update and he's gone to his friends house to do their project work.he ask me to hold on to his lappie.i guess he knows i want too.hehe.okay yesterday for my craving,i did ate sup tulang at afghan.thanks to joe and lee for accompanying me.but before that,did bought Auntie Anne's parmesan cheese.gosh,im soo loving it.feel like going to buy it again.but i also am craving for my mango smoothie from Mc Cafe.later break im gonna have my tom yam ban mian at C2.

i have been wanting this tight skirt at topshop which is like $56.i find that its kind of expensive.so im going to search for it online.gonna start fasting tomorrow.alhamdulilah,that my dad is till giving me pocket money,but its going to be only $2 a day.i saving that money,to cut my fringe bangs,buy pencil skirt for work,and the rest for my own saving.

Selamat Berpuasa Umat Islam Semua.
i shall say it in advance since i wont be able to update tomorrow,cos of my comp.

2009-08-20T19:04:00.003+08:00

here are the research items since im soo in love with skate now..haha!!

i shall have one of those especially the flip flop.pinky2!!

2009-08-20T18:53:00.002+08:00

excuse me gerl.stop staring at me like that.how can u have the face to say that i should stop being like a bitch and complaining to him when you were the one who stares at me ferst.wake up,and me trying to be hot doesnt have any link to me complaining to him,haahaa!!!.how am i supposed to tell you all that when i dont even have ur number.haiz.think twice before saying anything about me aite.

boy,i dont know why lately i keep thinking bout you and you were always in my mind.yes,i really do miss you that much.i miss your company.i dont even know why i keep feeling this way,but im trying my best to ignore it cos it just am hurting me.i miss your hair boy,im missing your everything.the dream,you were with her and i was with my frens.we were somehow sitting together as if it was a picnic.her was talking to me,and it felt as though we had hang out a lot of times before.but then,i overheard her saying to you,'im way better than her'.over hearing that,i broke down and had to walk off.i was hurt enough not being able to be with you,what about upon hearing those words.but then i woke up,im wondering what was the continuation of it.but im just taking it as a reason i was very tired and you were in my head before i fall asleep.

2009-08-20T18:39:00.002+08:00

okay i love this pic of me trying a children princess skirt.

okay back to my normal update.

hmm.life have been okay lately.school have been awesome,catching up with my studies quite well.but these few days i feel stressed up easily and i tend to get headache.oh yarh,we get to know our groups for our next semester project work.i guess next semester gonna be harder.and i did applied for my attachment during hols,and yeap i got it.im going with leana.the company is located at loyang and it is an aerospace one.im attached to finance department and leana is at HR.leana told me that it was her previous attachment too at the same company.and as usual,i asked her about the attire,and yeah office wear!!yes,im soo wearing heels to work!!hehe..i shall do online shopping for office attire.and leana i also want the pencil skirt!!! help me search for it k.hee..

personal life,haiz.i just hate talking bout this.normal life.leading a single life.but i dont know why i keep feeling down at times.

okay,and fasting month is like 2 days away and im like craving for many things.haiz,currently SOP TULANG MERAH!! gosh feel like going beach road.hee.

i shall right now start concentrating for my exams and after this,about my attachment.and i shall start thinking bout the skate.i really want kamal to teach me.

owing pics.

2009-08-20T18:16:00.005+08:00

hello hello earthlings!!! gosh,i know it has been like weeks since i've like updated my blog with pics aite.seriously my home comp is making probs with blogger and facebook.it irritates me lots i can say.okay here are the longing photos that have been inside the cammie.

ouhya,remember like i had mentioned earlier/weeks passed.i pampered my self at mc cafe with lee.we had our wonderful caramel frappe and double choc frappe too.

okay.last tues was having penutup for the blaja ngaji at my house on every tuesday.so i did went home early to help out.

and thanks to my nenek for cooking my fav,sambal goreng pengantin,curry chicken and urap.i love all those kampung dishes.

okay.yesterday,after sch accompanied kamal to go skating at east coast.i have been wanting to follow kamal during his skating session.and at last i did!! gosh,how happy and excited i am.reaching there,just looking at the other skaters and bikers just makes me feel more eager to start learning skate.kamal keep asking when im gonna buy my own deck.i told myself that im soo gonna start learning once im 18 or to be accurate let me finish my upcoming exams ferst.lee told me not to buy my own ferst.i could use his or his frens one.okay tats cool.gosh im soo excited!!!

okay,then there met chester.seriously he looked damn different.in sch he just look like thoswe nerdy and geek kind of boy.but the oh gosh,he just look soo cute!!hehe..just cant stop looking at him and thinking why did u look sooo different outside.

AND,so today after a few days not staying with bestfriends,had break with rai and zie.we werent in the mood to eat heavy stuff.so we decided to just eat desserts at NOODS.after a few months and weeks of not getting to eat the choc fondant,at last we get it!!.rai was soo excited!!she almost lick the plate to have all the choc syrup to hers.we gave the rest of the banana split while we were enjoying the wonderful dessert..hee..sowie ehk.

so here i am using lee's lappie to update with rai and atik.haiz.and we are like waiting for lee to come back to sch since 3pm.

2009-08-16T22:39:00.000+08:00

Listen to those words carefully.

seriously,i hate by the word companion.i hope you will understand and dont ask me
unnecessary questions no more.i may not be loved by others,but the main thing,i loved myself.

2009-08-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

how hurtful and stressful can i get when my wanted hp is selling at compass point for like $299 w/o contract,but others,$378+.gosh,im soo restless.its killing me really.its making me feel guilty of not buying it.

IBU PAPA,I WANT!!!I still gonna buy it,papa next week latest ehk.

2009-08-14T21:57:00.000+08:00

okay,im soo tempted seeing my wanted phone and ipod classic.i really want it.but i shall keep in mind that i have told myself to really have those things for myself when im officially 18.gosh,ibu papa please buy for me those things for my birfday.i really want them.

2009-08-14T21:29:00.000+08:00

okay,im so fed up with my comp at home.somehow,im having probs with blogger and facebook.i cant even upload all the plentiful of pics at my cammie.i really cant live without updating my blog and surfing fb.school have been awesome.all the revision papers i have done so far keeps having mistakes.i guess i should revise on those marked papers carefully before doing the rest of the papers.

today after school,had a POP concert challenge.it was an experience and fun.me,fira,rai,leana,adrian and nana are in the same group.we were supposed to organise a band concert,taking into priority the cost of the whole concert.the team with the highest profit wins.surprisingly,we did win.omg!.we got ourselves $60 voucher.but will be dividing those vouchers with the rest on mon.

i shall start revising on tax this weekends.

2009-08-13T09:12:00.000+08:00

im currently craving for Mango smoothie from Mc Cafe,Auntie Anne's parmesan cheese.
i wanna buy my new hp and ipod classic like asap.
money is decreasing,and im stress.
okay today am accompanying ibu n sis for their spa.haiz.nvm,i shall ask ibu to buy the mango smoothie for me.hee.

2009-08-13T09:04:00.000+08:00

'No pain,No gain.'

No one is ever perfect.So stop trying to make things wrong for me cos i know i am not perfect myself and so are you.

I was happy that u texted me but why did it ended just yet.was it cos of wat i said.but nvm,i wasnt hoping though.but i do hope you are able to do ur specified task well and hand it in on time.although i may not be contacting you,but i do am concern bout you.

I hate myself for being this way.

2009-08-11T13:52:00.006+08:00

okay have been long since i updated about my life.national day have just passed and im proud to be a singaporean.heh.on last sat and mon have been going out with family to shop for Hari raya's stuff.alhamdulilah all the buying is done.so there's no more need of me going to geylang.i just hate the packed geylang during fasting seasons.

this were the pics from yesterday,going to suntec to buy the necessary accesories for us gerls.okay yesterday i wored my ex dark blue skinny.hee.

my fav pic,so paparazzi.

okay,i shall have a proper update about my life aite earthlings..love you!!

suddenly i feel needed in my family.

Let love find you but not the other way round.

2009-08-10T18:02:00.000+08:00

okay im done reading the book.i truly love it,eyes went teary really.

sarah sergeant is a woman who doesnt believe in love and relationships,and concentrates on her carrer.(thats me i guess).as she gets older,as usual parents got worried and she decided its time.so she went for speed dating and all and she set up a blog to place her experience on finding her lover.tried to find a perfect guy for her.she did find one,Paul.he's all that she had set for her criteria.she felt as though they were together although he would be busy working afar.but sadly Paul was not meant for hers as he decided to give his ex another chance so they get back together.so she broke down and situation gets worse went she gets to know her flatmate/bestfriend,Simon would be moving out and travelling to Brazil for a charity.she was used to seeing him around,being there for her always.Simon was in a relationship but a rocking one.before Simon went off,he set up a blog just for Sarah to let her know about his feelings for her.Sarah's friends came to tell her about all that,accompanied her to meet back her true love before he went off.In the end,she managed to find her lover.

lessons: surprisingly,there's no way of finding a lover.your true love might be just beside you or even your bestfriend who have always been there for you all along.they may not be telling now,but they might be telling you after a long time.now that is what you call your true love.

p.s adapting well to my single life i can say.

im bored

2009-08-08T12:48:00.001+08:00

im currently addicted to zie's book,"50 ways to find a lover".i have been continuing reading till my head hurts and im having headache.hp is dead.i need money.my head hurts alot lately.

2009-08-07T21:43:00.000+08:00

when im gone,will i be remembered?

2009-08-07T21:29:00.001+08:00

i dont understand what i am feeling lately.i dont know why i feel so moody lately,but no matter what i will try to cheer up and put a smile on my face.lately have been pampering myself.i have been spending money just like that now i dont even have enough cash to top up my ppd,yesterday played bowling with adi and frens,me buying mc cafe with lee and treating him too.today went for AA,have been getting praise from tchr about my studies and reminds me not to be careless.after then skipped costing,went to sentosa for a picnic with lee.had a great bath there,trying to calm myself down and let go off my stress,which only lasted for a while.bought subway,i think im being addictive to it.thanks kamal for introducing it at me.i wonder what else would you recommend me.otw home,the stress is back and there goes the burden im having on my head.its getting heavy day by day,causing my head to hurt.i dont know whats wrong with me.it feels as though i have no purpose in life,just doing things my way.but i will keep strong.now do i realise mon im not schling.haiz,fasting month is coming.i dont even feel the eagerness of celebrating hari raya.am i leaving.

i have decided to save up and perm my hair for raya.tats my aim since i wont be cutting my hair.

im rilli sorry

2009-08-06T21:09:00.000+08:00

seriously i dont know what is wrong with me lately.i keep hurting all the people around me.im really am sorry,i know no matter how many zillions time i say,it will never be able to recover the hurt and pain that is cause by me.why am i getting evil by days,being selfish.lately,i keep breaking down for no reasons.tears would just flow.am i leaving soon.how i wish im free from everything.i just wanna explore the beautiful world outside.i wanna still know the various behaviours of people.i just wanna live my life to the fullest not thinking about stressful relationships.how i wish im all alone in this world,exploring the different kind of things around me.by then,learning from experiences hope it will make me a better person and i will know my purpose of life and wouldnt be a confused girl no more.

right now all i want is to concentrate on my studies,get to poly,get to uni,have my ideal and stable job,have my ideal car,have my ideal home,explore the whole world,and then would i think about the rest of my future.thats the path i have decided for myself.i think i am really not ready for next love.

2009-08-05T16:33:00.001+08:00

I love you guys BESTFRIENDS!!

2009-08-04T17:20:00.002+08:00

hello hello!!..how happy can i get.yesterday reached home,received a mail.i have gotten for myself CDC-CCC ITE scholarship for like again.how happy can i get.now i can buy all the stuff that i want all along before going poly.i have an excuse to persuade my mom to buy.hee..

i hate having a low self esteem but the fact is that i do am experiencing it.

2009-08-03T16:56:00.003+08:00

just some random love quotations that i found and thought was meaningful to me and suits my experiences in relationships.they are all sweet.enjoys.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her...

If you love me, let me know. If not, please gently let me go.

We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosent, then it was never meant to be.

The couple that fights the most is the one most in love... it shows they care enough to notice the other one screwed up and care enough to mention it to the person so they can fix it. When you stop fighting it means you stopped caring.

Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime.

Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing!

They say loving you gives pains and full of sacrifices But I'll rather take pains and lots of sacrifices than not to be love by you.

LOVE: We think about it, Sing about it, Dream about it && Loose sleep worrying about it. When we don't know we have it, we search for it. When we discover it, we don't know what to do with it. When we have it, we fear loosing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we don't know which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define && IMPOSSIBLE to live without.

2009-08-03T15:12:00.010+08:00

okay earthlings.im sorry for the lack of updates due to blogger at my house comp having probs.somehow the uploading pic icons are missing.therefore it's unable for me to upload for pics.so now im here updating using lee's lappie.

okay let shall start with those previous days.school have been awesome lately,with bestfrens!! okay,somehow i have gotten the results for my previous AA CA2.alhamdulilah,i did got an A it was unexpected though cos i did make alot of mistakes.but yeah,happy still but am worried about the overall results.i do hope i can at least grad with a GPA of 3.9.thats the expectation im putting for myself,since i guess having a 4 pointer is kind of impossibble due to the previous results i got at 3.5. i have been trying to improve on myself upon waking up early.i soo need to stop waking up late.its a gd thing that lee is able to wake me up from now onwards.hee.he's good in waking me up somehow.but today,it didnt work out as i did woke up late in the end,okay i think its because of how long it takes for me to dress up.haha..now am hoping that my studies will do improve,and am somehow not skipping anymore classes as i really need to prevent myself from being debarred from the exams.hee.grr.classmates have been awesome,have been getting close i can say.

okay,so yesterday as i have posted earlier.had a performance at fernvale lane for a wedding.thanks to papa for sending me to sengkang mrt straight.reached mrt,met rai and shockingly,lee was there too.i have already told him earlier to get his project done rather than seeing me dance.but i guess,he stubborn lar kan,or i shall say sweet of him of being there for me always like he had promised me.so we waited for the rest at sengkang mrt station at the control station area.me and rai were feeling tired so we decided to sit.surprisingly,we were being approached by the mrt officer saying that we are not allowed to sit.so yeah,followed her instructions.soon then iffa came along, and syakila reached by then.so we had to wait for cikgu murah.then unknowingly,syakila went to sit.then we quickly asked her to stand as we saw the same officer approaching us.u know what,we were given a last warning and told us if we want to sit,sit at the underpass area there.haiyo feeling irritated,we decided to wait at other place.so iffa and rai bought polar as they were feeling hungry.grr,its like wth.cikgu arrived and we are all missing cikgu like hell!! rindu cikgu syg,dhlh tkbleh dtg untuk tarian lagik pasal budget.haiz..took the bus 163 to the wedding show.reached the multi purpose hall,take a look at the pelamin.gosh,im soo melted by the design,it was like black and red and its full of roses.i was like complaining to everyone how i wanted that kind of wedding designs.then went to the house and get changed.we dont even feel welcome at all.so kerek.grr.had our ferst performance which was pusaka.it was chaotic fro me as somehow i really forgot most of the formation and im left all alone doing the steps all alone.it was embarassing.grr!! by then we went to have our late lunch and dinner.had our 2nd performance which was joget senyum and we were given bad comments and iffa went angry and was like maki2.sape tk bingit seh,dhlh kerek tk welcome langsung. okay lets now the pic tells everything.

okay so today was being prank by leana,suker yerr.she was texting me in naim's position yer.i was hurt and i really thought it was him.but nvm.false alarm and false hope im putting.

okay i shall update often as usual.goodbye earthlings.love you guys.

2009-08-01T14:48:00.000+08:00

im sorry for the lack of updates.shall be updating more on mon aite.tomorrow am having show at wedding at sengkang,so am looking forward to it as im soo missing dancing.personal life,starting a new.

2009-07-29T23:32:00.000+08:00

im confused.and yes im hating my life.i hate having a happiness that wont even last.why must there be sadness after every happiness.why cant i just have that someone by my side,listening to me,pampering me like i always wanted.i cant take this no more.i hate myself.why cant when i found that someone perfect for me but it wont be there for me.it will just go away without even me being prepared of it.i guess the old yana is back,who is just soo moody.why cant you have the same thinking as me.why.is it all about the looks,cos if it is i have nothing else to say.i realise my ownself and how downgraded i am.maybe im just putting false hope but why cant i be that strong to carry on waiting for you.im confused and hating my life right now.all i need is my missing companion.

2009-07-27T15:08:00.003+08:00

i love guys who dress up just like that.and somehow looking at guys who have that kind of hairstyles,makes me melt!!..hee!!i hope my future guy will have long hair like those..hee..

things to make my life somehow feel completed.

2009-07-27T14:41:00.004+08:00

this is the pink vans shoe that i want but if it somehows gets very common,im ought to finding for a new kind then.

the ipod classic which im soo gonna ought to have soon.

i have been thinking lately about the new hp i wanna have,to either have a touch hp or touch mp4.and i've decided to have this LG cookie KP500.there's a pink,but its kind of not nice.

my beloved parents,this is the laptop that i want.acer aspire timeline.hee.

okay that's all,i have decided to challenge myself to be single for 7 years.haha.somehow,really had enough of LOVE.

2009-07-27T13:52:00.004+08:00

hey,lately i have been having probs updating at blogger,somehow the icons went missing.impossible for me to upload the pics.

life has been chaotic last few days.but as u guys know,i spend on myself whenever i feel stressed up and fucked up i can say.so last fri,didnt went for the modelling rehearsal as im not involve for the whole thing i can say.grr.tat day,after sch tag with kamal and frens to katong complex which i have never went before as he's finding his jeans.bought his stuff,off i went to home as kamal too am having plans wif his gerl.gee.reached home,did the necessary stuff,went to vivo alone as somehow my plans for that day was being cancelled.walked around vivo,alone.thought i could find my pink calculator there but neh.pampered myself,bought the new caramel frappucino jelly.gee,i felt so kaya on that day,just pampering my ownself.ouh yah,and on that day,i got to colour my nails pink..heee.then atik came to accompany me after her modelling rehearse,sweet of her.we decided to go 'picnic' at the rooftop,me bought subway and atik,her chicken rice.we were having our wonderful girl's friday night i can say.by 8.15,home sweet home.i was having bladder probs throughout the whole trip home.gee.had to go for toi-toi for like a few times.reached home late,at 10pm.then on that day,all the confusion thoughts i have been thinking lately was all being answered.

hmph,sat nothing much happened,except for doing all the housework myself as my elder sis was sick.went for madrasah,i guess im failing the exams.didnt even study a single thing.just write the answers which sounds nicer.hee.ouhya,at night us family went to suntec as papa wanted to take a look at proton roadshow,which had actually ended.so we decided to went shopping instead since have been seeing sales.went to royal sporting house as they were having a clearance sale.im soo happy lar seh.many shoes were on sale,vans,lacoste,nike,adidas and many more.bought for my lil bro a lacoste shoe which cost $45(usual price $90),my elder sis,Ipanema white flipflop,my lil sis,vans pump for $17 (usual price $40) and me,a jansport pink pencil case $14.after which,i showed ibu the hotpink vans shoe that i wanted which cost $60.she told me to wait till next month.ao yeah,i shall wait then.went to mango.i couldnt believe my own eyes that i actually bought for myself a mango dark blue skinny jeans for like $60.i never bought a jeans that ex i can say,its like mango seh.hee.happy i can say but sad ibu told me i wont be shopping anymore for 2 mths,due to the jeans.gee.then told ibu,i shall save my own money for the vans shoe i guess.hee.i was damn happy till i shared my happiness with kamal.we shall go buy our vans shoe together aite.hee.

sun,decided to go study with rai as she's quite okay with aa.we decided to study at national lib,but no place,at hanis cafe then.we did studied,although there were some neglections somewhere.and i bought the pink calculator alreasy.hee..

so today had the aa ca.i can say that it was a challenging one.i did plentiful of mistakes i can say but its okay.i believe i can pass the paper but having an A,a miracle please.

2009-07-25T13:54:00.002+08:00

Im done with Love.It hurts too much.Hurting me deep inside at every moment.Thinking bout Love just makes me paranoid.

2009-07-23T15:46:00.008+08:00

okay since yesterday i was having some probs uploading the pics at blogger,so here are the pics.
yesterday after sch,met up with khai,isa and haikel at c1.we were having plans to watch harry potter at ehub.so waited for the rest there.then suddenly khai thought of eating dry chicken noodle.looking at khai eating,made me n haikel went to buy.so yesterday i had 2 meals a day.there goes my diet.

look at the noodle,arent they are just soo spicy but I LIKE!!..khai had accomplished eating noodle outside and lots of sambal..hee..way to go khai..

my beloved buddies..

then ema went to join us.

waited for khairi and off we went to ehub.in the bus we made friends with this madrasah aljunied gerl.we were cracking jokes in the bus loudly and she joined us too..hee..reached ehub met kak bani and iffa.sadly didnt joined them watching as we missed the 6.40pm show.so me and rai proceeded home after accompanying the rest to cheers..ouhya the butterscotch ice cream cone at mac is awesome.

so today,woke up early i can say.reached skl only 5 mins late.an accomplishment i can say.but was feeling sick upon waking up.having flu and sore throat.grr...now its my turn to get sick,thanks eh rai..hee...!!!having a boring lecture but did pay attention somehow.after that met zie wif hana for lunch.ate tom yam ban mian as was feeling sick need to eat something soupy2..thus decided not to go for PTC as most of my classmate is not coming.gosh..went to walk2 at tamp inter with zie.went to miz 29,saw this hot pink VANS shoe.im soo getting it,its $59..then went to this perfume shop and zie suddenly wanted to buy a perfume.so recommended my all time fav for a guy..shall not say wat brand..hee..im soo happy that he also actually agreed with my choice..hee..see,all yana's choice people will like one.met rai and leana.hee..leana went to buy her stuff and i went to buy this pink nail polish.it was soo stressful choosing the colour.

after then walked to tamp 1..wanted to buy auntie annes.sat at the staircase and ate..

i looked like a ghost..haha..

sick rai,no mood to eat and also camwhore but i force her to..not good you know ikutkan selera kalo tgh saket.

zie bought the pizza i dont know what..but i bought the parmesan cheese one..so nice lar seh!!

see!!! yana GEMS already!!

then leana had to went off ferst..asked her to pose at the stairs hee...

zie and i went to urban write shop..im soo gerams with the shop..its full of hot pink stuff!!!im soo going to that shop for stationery..zie is soo atracted to the blue colour..then i saw my hot pink calculator!!!..i wanna buy can!!!

now back to sch needing to calll the juniors up..grr..going home early a bit today.

sometimes not all things are meant to be said.

2009-07-22T22:50:00.002+08:00

school have been boring each day.tarian have been getting bored since cikgu murah is no more allowed to come and teach us,and the juniors are somehow missing. alhamdulilah,yana dh bis bayar puase.studies have been okay,costing catching up quite well.AA,hmm a bit of problem.need to buck up really.having CA next mon at 10am.i better wake up early on that day.i need to do revisions really,getting to balance the BS is just so stressful but I LIKE.currently i am worried about SW,i didnt attend this weeks SW.but got to know,there wont be any SW for 3 weeks till 13 Aug.im soo worried,i can bearly repeat my 2nd year again jus cos of failing my SW right.so i really need to come continuously after 13 aug.no lazy2.after school have been spending time with my BESTFRIENDS!!..they were the one who somehow enlighten my days.thanks guys,love you guys!!

personally,yana have to keep on with my diet of a meal a day.im gaining weight each day,getting chubbier and my flat tummy is missing somehow.im soo losing weight like NOW!!i need to start doing my sit ups again.grr..stress..yana may not be pretty or gorgeous but i prefer being a sweet gerl.*random thoughts out of sudden*

hatred.

2009-07-22T21:55:00.003+08:00

let me get everything done for now.i knew all this would happen.i knew all along i would be hurt again with all those lies of yours.just look at what is happenning.let me just say what i wanna say here.i knew you too well,till i know the reason why you didnt text me today at all.i knew you would be busy texting her and its true somehow.just leave me alone.cos somehow day by day im hating that gerl.yes,im paying you back the lj treat u had for me.just stop talking to me about waiting for me now.carry on with your life with whatever way you are going to move on with.i dont fucking care.i mean what i say.i dont lie.let me get things straight.WE ARE FRIENDS SO LET US ACT LIKE ONE.dont till we had to be enemies.and to you GERL,i hope your life would be 'perfect' after hurting people's heart.

ITS OVER.
*dont you comment to me about this post cos i dont wanna hear a thing*

shattered dreams.

2009-07-21T17:15:00.003+08:00

why must life be unfair.why cant i get my dreams.why cant i get my happiness with the one i loved.why must there must be someone who somehow doesnt understands me and could really feel how much i wanted all my dreams.all i ever wanted was to be happy with no one destroying the happiness that i have around me.suddenly now,all my dreams are shattered.never could there be a chance for me to chase after my dreams again,BEING A MODEL.how i wish you both could understand my passion and allow to have that one and only chance.

boy,looking at your pics just makes me miss you more.day by day not contacting each other,i fell deeper for you.i dont even know how your heart would feel like.but its okay.like we had always agree,its the thoughts that counts.sometimes i just couldnt bear to look at your pics but truly,i would want to.im truly sorry for being this way.i guess this is how i communicate with your heart here.*okay i sound like a maniac*hee..i shall not be ss for now..i shall be strong and carry on with my life as usual.memories just playback in my mind.btw,u just love wearing that fav blue tee of yours.

love yanabelle..

2009-07-20T23:06:00.001+08:00

why cant i always have the happiness that i want.cant i just go and fight for my dreams.

2009-07-18T02:00:00.004+08:00

okay today again,i woke up very late i can say.reached sch at 9am,whereas sch starts at 8am.went to sch with lee,met joe and shazni and his 2 other classmates.went to c3 to have a quick breakfast.then,lee passed me his lappie since he said he wont be using it.so i was like watching 'hairspray'..half way done.hee.went for costing.after then,i was craving for japenese food.i was willing enough to go c1 alone whereas my other frens went to c2.met khai and zie at c1 eating the same.i ordered my black pepper chicken,but with extra rice.so just imagine myself eating 2 bowls of japenese rice.hee.we cracked jokes about H1N1 aite..'cough2!!'hehe..then atik and lee joined us.we chatted for a while and im off for my AA remedials.it was just so fun doing AA.i just love studying.after the whole studying,went to studio,get ready for the rehearsals.i was planning to go off straight home from suntec itself.

but this was what happen.we were all making our way to the bus when i suddenly wanted to tap out.how shocked and stressed up can i be knowing that my ezlink was gone.gosh,i was soo panicking!!searched my whole bag.i suddenly thought that it could be in my locker earlier.ran to and fro my locker at level 3,knowing that it was still nowhere to be found.then i became moody and stressed up.didnt even talk that much on the way there to suntec.thanks everyone for trying to cheer me up esp lee.

the rehearsals were chaotic really.i somehow dont like the management.i think they fail event management.hee..kan khai.we were being scolded for being late which was eventually cause by their backstage crew people.we had told them that the soul dont need mic except for us during the dikir barat.but they still place it ,making the sound of the beat much more louder than us.grr!! and the performance before us had pops making the stage slippery with those ribbons.it was so unusual to dance on that slippery platform.couldnt even dance properly,but i somehow maintained that smile throughout although i was like stressed.heh.

then,had our late dinner.made our way back to sch.met ema and sim there as sim came to fetch rai i guess.then off i went back to sch with the soul-ians.packed the costumes away.leave sch.suddenly khai called asking me about the ezlink.but he told me that it was found by ema,but she forgotten to tell me bout it when we met earlier.but nevermind ema,yg penting dh jumpe pun..hee..thanks!!home sweet home.

as usual,i changed blogskin.but i think im going to change again.hee.i love you bestfriends!!!

i shall update again about this sun's performance at suntec.

love is a battlefield.

2009-07-16T21:57:00.003+08:00

so as you can see.as promised,yesterday went to look at our modelling costumes.all the costumes are wonderful.am so needing to do homework about the catwalking as the costume will be having tails..so need to practice on that.hee.but the sad thing is,my parents kind of disapproving my involvement in this event as the night rehearsals are worrying for them.but i do hope i can make it.yesterday,was damn bloody stress with my life and feeling fucked up,did something stupid.but i feel satisfied doing tat somehow.

so today,went skl as usual.was happy that boy was texting me.was really hoping for his text msgs.but it only lasted for a few minutes.but its okey.so during morning lecture,slacked like hell.listening to walkman,taking pics.so during lunch,met zie,rai,lee.we slacked together,i was watching resident evil 3.watching movie at lappie just reminds me of boy.couldnt finish the whole movie as had to go for PTC tutorial.i was feeling damn happy to get the results for PTC CA2.i got 90%,but sadly after combining with the CA1,i only got 52%.how sad can i be.i soo need to buck up.this somehow shows that i can do well in studies.after finishing skl,continued the movie.watched another cinderella story.gosh,was movie marathon-ing,thanks lee for lending his lappie.after then,i suddenly felt like eating subway,padahal tengah puase.went to c1 to meet sim2 and ema.suddenly,felt so restless,my mind keeps thinking of boy.atik sorry kalo yana mcm kepo2.i just wants the best for you,i dont want you to be hurt and taken advantage of.thats all.then i suddenly decided to break fast outside cos i was thinking i wont be having nice food at home.khai went to accompany lee to take something from his house as he will be visiting his dad at cgh.but in the end,didnt need to.so the gerls (rai,me and atik) went to meet them at cgh.i just love atik and rai.it was so troublesome that we need to register somehow.gosh.met lee's parents.his uncles are just crazy like us.me and khai was like making fun of the mask given as pad.hee..corrupted mind already..then went to qiji to break fast.we had fun time eating together,cracking jokes,talking about this nenek looking like mayor powerpuff girl,granite drinks..hee..after everything,went to back to meet lee's parents.from there we went off separate ways.khai and rai went to bedok inter.me and lee and his family members went home and got down at afghan to as his mum wants to buy food.so here i am.hee..tomorrow,am having remedials after sch.having full dress rehearsals at suntec.

boy eversince that incident.we seems to be drifting apart.i dont know why or was it just my feelings.gosh,was it just another negative thinking of mine.but eversince that incident,i kept falling for you,but i felt that somehow you are drifting away from me.but its okay.my mind wasnt in peace somehow.boy,if theres something i really need to know,but i dont know,please do tell me.i do realise im in wrong.but at times,all i needed was a call at the end of the day.it will make my day to end peacefully.im sorry boy.i know i may not be your kind of gerl.or maybe it was just me thinking too far about us,which you didnt even may be thinking of.im sorry.but i'll try to make my life as happy as possible.ily.thats all i can say.if its going to be one sided soon,its okay,im ready for all that really.u just tc.im worried bout you really this few days.and i miss you too.it seems we wont be meeting up this few weeks,but i do hope we could.i wonder how things between us would be.

2009-07-15T17:23:00.002+08:00

hey hey hey earthlings!! How have you guys been??these few days lots of things have been happening.wonderful ones and also things that i dont even want them to appear.haizz..but the most important things is lots of happy things have been appearing!! :) :)..

ferstly,i have gotten back my CA1 retake results for PTC,its gd that i passed at last.alhamdulilah.for my costing CA2,goodie2 news,i have gotten 100%.that was the expectation i have put on myself.cos somehow i am feeling confident about the paper.okay,that shows the real yana is back.hee..

okay,im gonna be pack for this week and also next week.for this week the IRIR,we somehow get to know that we were the only sch for the open category.so we didnt win anything,except for the JUDGES CHOICE AWARD.but we would be performing this sunday at suntec for Mr Vivian.gosh im soo happy.hee..will be having a full dress rehearsal this friday.gonna be reaching home damn late..
next week,here's the most wondeful thing for me.my dance junior,nasyitah's mom gonna be having a reunion for her friends at Orchid Country Club on 25 july.so she had invited us to dance for her event and also at the same time,she wants to promote her bridal.so she was needing models.guess wat,US gonna be modelling for that day!!! yana is happy!!!! at last,my dream of getting to model and doing catwalk is coming true.gosh!! :);):) we gonna be having 2 dance item,and the catwalk.im soo looking forward for these days..she had also book a chalet for us on 24 july as we would be having a late rehearsal.told papa,but he said no..yana was soo sad..im soo gonna miss alot of happy moments there.i really want to spend my nights with my BESTFRENS.papa please!!..i shalll nego with ibu too.hee..so today,we will be going to her house to look at our costumes..currently am waiting for zie to finish his dance at CEMTA.

today,hmm..a wonderful day i can say.waking up late due to the cold weather.was having class at 8 am but only went for PTC CA2 at 10am.yana have been coming to sch late..haiyo!!reached sch quite early.met atik,lee,kamal,fathah and DOUGLAS at C1.i was shocked to meet douglas.i miss his hair.i was actually searching for kamal but didnt see him around so i thought he went to buy food.but then i saw an unknown guy with atik and the rest.so i though he was a new student.but how shocked can i get when it was kamal!!..he cut his hair to like short!!..yana miss his helmet hair like douglas.hee..sat for a while there,had a last min study.went for the exam,reached 10 mins late.the paper was doable,confident that i can pass,but do hope i can get 100%..hee..i finished the paper by 10.30am.my teacher was like 'are you sure u wanna hand in?.have you checked properly?'..funny right my teacher..hee..after then,skipped lecture cos wasnt feeling in the md,since im going for his PTC 2hr tutorial tomorrow.met atik and the rest again.somehow strengthen friendship with kamal,douglas and also fathah.but fathah memang ada sticker kat belakang.hee...sowie ehk..peace..ate japanese food,black pepper chicken.i ate 2 bowls of the rice..oh my!!but its damn full but it makes me fat i can say if i were to eat that everyday.then,sim,rai joined.by that time atik and friends had to go as they wanted to buy somethings.hee..yana jek tahu ehk..then continued sch as per usual..so here i am after sch in cemta waiting for zie.

this is DOUGLAS that i missed.hee..

i miss my old fringe.

2009-07-12T12:23:00.003+08:00

never did i ever wanted things to be this way.

just try to be strong kay yana.
sometimes whatever you have done/or the sacrifices you have made will not be recognised by the person itself.
just know that i love you BESTFRIENDS,including you too.im happier this way,but at the same time STRESS!!

Everyone is special in their own way.

2009-07-11T23:56:00.002+08:00

hey hey hey!! at last the IRIR competition is over.all those hardworking time training,having all those aching body is all worthwhile.job well done to all malaydancers,soul percussion,Zie,Darren and Haicurl.its good listening to positive comments.i do somehow hope we could win,i wanna perfrom for Mr & Mrs Nathan..hee!!okay i shall summarise today,a quick one.am feeling tired.

today,reached sch.did makeups.im happy that i did the eyeliner by myself for the ferst time and it turn out well.happy yana!!it was a stressful day at ferst with the last min formation,having those stresssful make ups.thanks to lee for appearing last minute sengaja,helping me with the pics.after everything was over,back to sch and washed up.had our brunchdinner at banquet sime,but i bought nasi ayam penyet,was craving for that.hee.then made our home sweet home.

BESTFRIENDS!!!!

i realised that im allergic to fake gold.hee.thats good then no one can cheat me of pure gold.hee..

look at my hand,red2 spots.

my picture of the day.hee.i like!!

i've read the letter.

2009-07-08T20:39:00.002+08:00

hey hey hey!miss me huh??hee..okay,school have been wonderful..thanks to my beloveds!!i just love them all.this week have been getting busy for the upcoming IRIR competition this sat.i have been having bruises all over my body,aching all over.cos i was getting crazy during dance,rolling around the studio,dancing and jumping around.how crazy can i get.hee!!after school have been spending time with my beloveds..

today,i woke up damn late.i was feeling damn tired as the night before something went wrong,couldnt sleep.i skipped my morning class,reached skl at 10.30am.after sch,waited for rai with atik and khai.i was feeling stressed up and have been planning to cut my fringe for the last few days.at last i got it,since khai was going to cut his hair too..so we went to bedok to cut our hair.hee.yes,i got it.i dont know why everytime when im at the salon cutting,i would pespire.i dont know why,nervous i guess.hee.!!okay,seriously yana have been gaining weight and IM STRESSED!!!i keep spending money on food and im back to my diet of one meal a day.i somehow need to start saving up money.please people,help to remind me to lose weight k.thanks.

okay i better get going and study for costing.wish me luck aite.

2009-07-07T16:19:00.002+08:00

this few days have been falling sick.i wonder whats wrong with me.

i hate what im feeling cos' i dont even know what i am feeling right now.no one can understands me as i myself dont even understand.

i wanna be free from all this.i hate this.why am i this way.i hate myself for being these way.

2009-07-05T20:17:00.002+08:00

yes life is full of ups and downs.no one can ever deny it.its a true phrase i can say.whenever you feel happy,somehow something or somewhere it wouldnt last long until you knew how to prevent it.all it needs is to stop being so weak and be strong.its easy to say but becoming like one do take lots of time.at the same time,you might need someones help for you to be one.

i have been sufferring for a long time.till when would i let these stop.friendship has always been a problem for me since young.feeling left out is all i feel all along.maybe is it because of my appearance or my attitude.i wouldnt know until someone tell me so.i have always appreciated my friends around me,maybe i didnt show them.yes i realise i may not be the next hot stuff but is that a reason for me being alone.that's why i just hate it when 'people like to judge a book by its cover' .i have been saying 'i dont know' whenever i have probs.i was never strong to face all this in life.im always the friendly girl next door.i just love to be pampered,thats why i love it when someone is willing to gives me the attention i needed.everyone makes mistake in life,and im willing to accept it if im gonna get my revenge later or somehow.i have always been the confused yana and i hate it.

but i promised myself now is to concentrate on my studies.and be the yana i have always been,the happy and crazy yana.im not the yana who feels down as days passed.im the yana who walks out of the house feeling confident and happy and wanting to start a happy day ahead.i shall be independent from now onwards.tomorrrow shall start my life anew.shall be putting that smile and be a stronger yana eversince.

im sorry friends if i have always been a burden to you.im sorry if i have hurt you guys enough.please do forgive me.do remember that i always love you guys.we need more communication between each other,my mistake.i love you all.*big hugs*

random

2009-07-03T12:49:00.002+08:00

June has been a chaotic month.full of ups and downs.but am enjoying it thanks to bali.school will be starting soon.so am looking forward to it.hope by then,somehow july would be a better month.i soo wanna do online shopping,i want more cash.now do i realise my true beauty.
i somehow need to start to fasting.the year is almost coming to an end.how fast can life be when u were in your happiness mood.

2009-07-01T22:44:00.002+08:00

why am i tearing into tears reading all those.
is this what you call love.