Wednesday, October 21, 2009 @ 21:08
days by days,life have been really getting in my nerves.life have been very stressful for me.i just hate it everything in my life right now.all those probs in my head are just building like mountains without me trying to stop it or something.cos of my stupid self not listening to my stupid heart.i cant even decide on anything for myself right now.i cant even listen to my stupid heart when everyone keeps asking me to cos i dont even know how to.i feel left out,i feel useless,i feel unwanted.
it seems like people are giving up on me.people are maybe just sick of helping me,giving me advices till leaving me alone right here.people around me are just leaving me alone.they just want me to make the decision myself i guess.but i cant,i hate all this.i hate thinking about anything cos it fucking hurts.why does people around me seems to pay attention to that someone more and everything is just about that someone.is it cos shes friendly,nice pretty,interacts with everyone.so me just being noisy and annoying,is meant to be ignores like that hah.wherever i go,its all about that someone.there was never a chance of people ever asking bout me or talking to me ferst.why.i hate it.i cant take it no more.all im feeling is hatred.
and i keep feeling this jealousy.why!!im supposed to be done over with you.but why am i stupid enough to feel jealous seeing you happy wif another gerl today who is just more beautiful than me.and im taking it as a threat somehow.why is it cos she looks like me.shes pretty,loves to laugh and called ur adik somehow.i just hate this stupid feeling.im just hurting myself doing all this.when i ask for people advise,im stupid to feel hurt and upset about what they say and in the end,giving up,not even wanting to try.im fuckingly stressed up.i guess thats my reasons for all my sufferings.but before i have sufferred alot,but why right now im sufferring it again.why not the other party.i feel pathetic.i guess im hurting you lots.but im confused and i hate it!.i hate myself!maybe i deserve all this right.i guess im leaving everyone alone now.i shall suffer alone.people would not be stress cos of me.and i wont be making people life a much of sufferring.
i know im just useless,unwanted.im noisy and irritates people.i dont have the looks and i dont have the attitude that people would even be proud to call me as a friend.i hate myself for being so stupid to let people hurt me before and in the end im the one sufferring.i hate myself for being soo stupid to even solve her own probs and even listen to her stupid heart!!
i just hate what im doing.people are just telling me all about their probs but im just stressed enough to even think about mine.why do people keeps coming to me and not acknowledging about my probs.i told myself im not having you no more cos of those stupid past and i cant trust you no more.im trying to find someone to distract me but somehow again that one would be gone by time and i would feel guilty.im confused and i hate it.i just need to find a distraction.
i dont know what i have been doing lately.i think ive irritates you keep telling you bout my probs and im just expecting stupid things from you which im not even sure of.i hate of thinking bout this and that.people keep asking me to stop thinking negative but i cant.i feel better thinking bout negativity as im prepared to face it..
just what is wrong with me!!
i guess im really giving up in everything what im doing cos i hate my stupid life right now.how i wish i was not even born and experiencing all this stupid life and pathetics of life.i just dont feel unwanted.all i need is the attention and love cos thats the one that im living with.love just sucks for me.
